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Outed!
Another triumph for the Funjunkie Special Investigations Unit! They've only gone and discovered that none other than Vernon Kay, model, presenter, big-haired loon is actually a wig wearer!
Vernon Kay, yesterday.
Mr. Kay, 47, of Slough has kept his rug wearing habits completely secret from the public until now, and with good reason! Quite apart from it being the focal point for his fey looks that score him points with the laydees, he also maintains lucrative hair modelling contracts with Revlon and Vidal Sassoon.
When we contacted him for a statement about his baldy-headed habits, he only had the following to say: "I'm not bald, you twats. Get off my car bonnet!"
Obviously he's touchy about the subject. But we here at Funjunkie believe that baldies should stand up for themselves and proudly display their lack of hair. Hence, until his lawyers and the courts force us otherwise, here's the irrefutable evidence that we filmed whilst interviewing him on a windy day:
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Date posted: 18 Feb, 2004 15:19 by Reg
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It's true.
He has big hands, but no hair on the top of his head.
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Date posted: 18 Feb, 2004 19:36 by Trudi
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Noooooo!
Leave the poor sexGod alone!
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Date posted: 18 Feb, 2004 19:37 by Trudi
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He's not 47 either is he..?
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 01:11 by Kaiser
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My dear Tudi, is there any male public figure with longish hair that does not moisten your gusset?
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 09:22 by Reg
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Who's Tudi?
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 12:54 by bert
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I met him at a hair awards ceremony. He's a complete and utter c*nt. Both he and Tess are monumentally stupid and he looks like a chipmunk up close. Funnily enough - I used to adore him before experiencing him and his media whore wife first hand.
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 13:10 by Reg
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You used to adore him?
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 13:23 by kaiser
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Back off Reg............I'd had a few Rootbeers.
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 13:33 by Trudi
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I think Kaiser may have a point.
I've been trying to think of a male public figure with longish hair that does not moisten my gusset all morning and I have nothing but a moist gusset.
Is this wrong?
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 13:34 by Trudi
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I am starting to go off the Vern though. Although, I think he has lovely teeth.
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 13:59 by Reg
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Not after Bert smashes them in with a claw hammer.
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 17:30 by bert
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In that sick d list celebrity sort of way - his banter with Anthony Crank, crank, crank made me laugh on a saturday morning.
Sorta like I adore Jordans tits. Love/Hate
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Date posted: 19 Feb, 2004 18:40 by Taz
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Jordan doesn't have tits.
She lost them several years ago at the solicitor's office when she changed her name from Katie Price.
She walked home via a greengrocers and got them to staple two watermellons onto her chest.
And that's the story of the stolen stapler from Peckham.
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Date posted: 25 Feb, 2004 12:19 by FLATTY
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This opens whole can of worms, we must ask ourselves who else is fooling the public with convincing wigs, not elton who's he kidding!!!!
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Date posted: 25 Feb, 2004 12:32 by Reg
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Good point Flatty, there are must be hundreds of weave wearing celebs out there!
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Date posted: 03 Mar, 2004 16:31 by 2tales
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this "FLATTY" bloke above does make a good point. apparently ben affleck, george clooney, bon jovi and tons more wear them, anyone else know of any celebs?
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Date posted: 03 Mar, 2004 16:35 by Reg
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Rod Hull, George Dawes, Alvin Stardust, all of Pink Floyd, George W. Bush etc
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Date posted: 04 Mar, 2004 15:53 by Danny
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following on by the comment from flatty & 2tales.....
Billy zane
george clooney does if you look at photos from throughout his career sometime there is slight recesion and sometimes not, depends on which wig he's wearing.
ben affleck apparently wears a system, it was reported that it fell off at a party when he was play fighting with a friend, i was suprised but then again he did spend £50 000 on his teeth so obviously looks meen a lot to the man.
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Date posted: 04 Mar, 2004 15:54 by Danny
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i have no proof and these are just my opinions by the way
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Date posted: 18 Sep, 2004 10:07 by lozta
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leave vern alone he's lovely in person!! and hes 30 not 47!!!!!!!
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Date posted: 20 Sep, 2004 09:27 by Reg
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He's not lovely in person. He's too big. And he does those shit Doritos adverts.
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