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The story of Taz and Curls the Cutter...
The story begins with a bit of a history lesson. 5 years ago, Curls the Cutter was sentenced to a lifetime in an institute for the criminally insane. Curls was obsessed with hair extensions to add to her flowing locks, but with no money to spend down at the local Vidal Sassoon salon in Slough, she resorted to mugging poor unsuspecting people and shaving their heads. Far fetched? You'd better believe it.
Why Curls was sent to a boarded up psychiatric ward somewhere in Newcastle is anybody's guess, but it makes some of the other points of the story easier to explain, so quit complaining. Needless to say, even with the high level of armed security guards keeping watch on the facility, Curls escaped...
Curls escaping a boarded up psychiatric institute, yesterday...
Curls, armed only with a makeshift cape, stolen from the bed of one of the most famous and lethal Mass Marketers this country has or will ever see, soon spotted a worth target and began stalking him. Its quite difficult to blend in when wearing a cape that looks dangerously like a folded up bed sheet, so the victim soon cottoned on.
Taz, spotting Curls for the first time (Blurring makes it seem more scary)
After proving that the story was being set in Newcastle with the cunning placement of a Newcastle United shirt, Taz ran for his life and managed to get to the door of his crappy downstairs flat, which happened to be on the other side of the road from the Mental institute. How handy.
Out of breath and caught.
Once the victim was inside and too scared to move, Curls took some time to contemplate how she was to remove his hair, pausing every few minutes to practice lifting her cape up to her face in a kind of Bella Lugosi stance.
Curls the Cutter looking scary and strangely camp, yesterday.
I have an itchy chin...
I think I'm getting a cold sore...
Eureka!
As if the sight of a crazy woman holding a knife wasn't terrifying enough, Curls decided to instil yet more fear by brandishing the weapon in Taz's face.
Relatively scary.
Taking off the clipper guard... more scary.
Curls tied Taz to a chair. Nobody was really sure if this was an anti-escape measure or some form of bondage fetish, but Taz played along to keep the story line intact.
Taz trying not to laugh, yesterday.
Realising that cutting off a load of hair might make a mess all over Taz's coffee and wine stained carpet, Curls decided to show a little mercy and drag the poor bastard to the kitchen (which is not much bigger than a phone box for dwarfs).
Once inside the kitchen of Taz's impending doom, Curls began to cut...
The horror! The horror!
In a bizarre twist, the almost identifiable effigy of our lord Domokun appeared in the back of Taz's head. Here's a recent photograph of Domo to prove it.
The likeness is uncanny.
But he was soon removed as Curls the Cutter got back down to business.
Somehow the victim managed to remove his football shirt during the process, even though Curls had tied him up with a climbing rope. Wonders will never cease.
Waste not, want not was the motto of the day for Curls, so she moved on to the razor to get every last bit of hair off him. Okay, maybe not every last bit, but who'd want pubes as hair extensions?
"You've got a huge spot on the back of your head."
Then the job was complete, and somewhere along the line Curls had brainwashed Taz into thinking that this was all a good idea.
"Are you lookin' at me? I don't see anyone else around here..."
Finally, Curls had to check the hair for colour match. Most people would have thought of this before shaving some random eejit's head, but that would have knackered the story and you have to remember that Curls is an escaped psychopath.
Ooh, hair!
Looks a little different... oh shit!
But the hair was far too dark for Curls. Damn that dark haired northern twat! There must be something Curls could do about it...
The solution. |
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Date posted: 31 Mar, 2003 10:08 by Wild
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ROFL!
And he actually got Domokun shaved into the back of his head.
That's dedication for you.
Curls scares me.
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Date posted: 31 Mar, 2003 10:22 by Lindsey L
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Taz! What hhave you done?
Lol!
Brilliant story!
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Date posted: 31 Mar, 2003 11:27 by James
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He looks scary without hair.
Funny stuff! Curls is actually very scary in that cape..
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Date posted: 31 Mar, 2003 13:02 by Reggio
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Good work fella. I suppose the onus is on me now to do one of these 'Just 17' style photo stories. Has anyone got any suggestions?
p.s. Heh, I said onus. Heh.
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Date posted: 31 Mar, 2003 17:21 by Ewano
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Muppet...
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Date posted: 01 Apr, 2003 07:55 by Funky Mum
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Well done Curls
Now he has less than his Dad!!!
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Date posted: 01 Apr, 2003 08:23 by Taz
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Crikey! I've been rumbled.
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Date posted: 26 Apr, 2003 17:18 by taz snr.
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but why?
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Date posted: 27 Apr, 2003 16:37 by sarah
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As I have said on many an occasion,
I am the milkmans daughter.
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Date posted: 15 Aug, 2003 11:53 by Dizz from Sidmouth
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Hehehehehehehehe!!
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