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Monday, 12 May, 2008	Send us news / links / sites

Summer Burn '08 posted by Taz on 06/05/2008 at 09:17 GMT (link)

If you haven't already clocked the banner at the top of the page, you're either incredibly unobservant or you're still hungover from last night, in which case you're probably struggling to read this anyway.

So it's the Summer Burn again, and this time it's going to be even better than last year, which is of course what we say every year, and quite frankly, is always true!

Sign-ups have opened here, and as usual we ask you to tell all your friends and anyone you randomly bump into in the street.

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DeathGob T-shirt & Badge birthday giveaway posted by Reg on 21/04/2008 at 14:44 GMT (link)

DeathGob, the purveyors of fine clothing and John Craven based products, are two years old. To celebrate their birthday, they're eating a lot of jelly and ice cream. They're also, which may be of more interest to you, giving away free t-shirts and badges.

All you have to do is leave a comment on a picture. Sounds easy? It is. The picture in question, plus all the details you need to know are here.

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The ideal decanter posted by Reg on 15/04/2008 at 11:44 GMT (link)

We decided it was time to have a spring clean at FJ Towers over the weekend, it being spring and all, and we rediscovered some ace stuff up in the battlements that we hadn't seen for ages.

The best thing we found was the Squirrel Decanter that was given to us by Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu after we rescued him from a particularly viscious wombat attack. There was an extra bonus too, it still had a couple of drops of Magnetic Rum swilling around in the bottom. Nice.

Thanks Bowner

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Muxtape posted by Reg on 04/04/2008 at 10:01 GMT (link)

You never know what’s going to turn up in the FJ inbox. Well, apart from the usual death threats, final demands, and fan mail from the Uxbridge Women’s Institute. Oh, and the obligatory link to the crap game where an acorn is falling out of a tree, and you move a squirrel holding a trampoline left or right to bounce it into a basket. Apart from all that, you never know what’s going to turn up.

So it was nice to get one this morning which simply said “a bit like the summerburn, but online”, which wasn’t strictly true, but it gets the jist across nice and succinctly. So turn your speakers up, and get your boogie shoes over to Muxtape. But not before you put your hand up for the 2008 Summer Burn, if you haven’t already.

Thanks Trudi

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Blastrix posted by Reg on 04/04/2008 at 09:39 GMT (link)

According to Wikipedia, Asteroids was one of the most popular and influential games of the Golden Age of Arcade Games. So instead having the hassle of coming up with something new, Blastrix broke into Asteroid’s house, nicked it’s style and ideas, and then made it a bit more upto date and whizzy, and it all worked out nicely. As they say in the trade, “the job’s a goodun”.

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Dirk Valentine posted by Reg on 28/03/2008 at 14:00 GMT (link)

Welcome to the steampunk, chaingun firing, airship exploring world of Dirk Valentine. It's not to be confused with the smooth talking, tie straightening, lady shmoozing world of Dirk Benedict. I know, I know, it's confusing keeping on top of all the Dirks out there. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

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The Zombie Wars posted by Reg on 26/03/2008 at 12:23 GMT (link)

It’s a hard life living at FJ Towers. As soon as any of us leave the compound to get a pint of gin or a packet of biscuits, we’re mobbed by adoring fans. Posing for photos and signing autographs can get tiresome very quickly, so sometimes we have to arm ourselves accordingly. It’s usually just pistols and shotguns for weekdays, but come Saturday, it all gets a bit more hardcore.

Now you can experience some of what we have to go through by playing Zombie Wars. It’s an accurate portrayal of the kind of crowd dispersal techniques we’ve developed over the years.

Right, it’s time to draw straws to see who goes to the shops; the wombat’s just knocked over the PVA glue into the weetabix again.

Thanks Sickboy

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Line Golfer posted by Reg on 20/03/2008 at 12:15 GMT (link)

Let's face it, the weather's going to be shit over the bank holiday weekend. What you need to do is get a case of Special Brew in, put your feet up and play a couple of rounds of Line Golfer.

Generally golf games are pretty good, but this one has the added bonus of letting you draw your own courses as well. If you're that way inclined. And after all that strong lager, you should be feeling pretty creative. And headachey.

Just to show you, in true Blue Peter style, how easy it is to knock up a course, here are some I made earlier: Alpine Skyline, R2D2, Pinball & Subterranea.

Use the comments box to tell us about any courses you’ve made. So we can laugh heartily at you. Oh, and happy birthday for Sunday Badger Mushroom, this one's for you, you hairy bastard.

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Spin the black circle posted by Reg on 19/03/2008 at 11:07 GMT (link)

Fed up with your games being too full of unicorns and fluffy rainbows? We've got the game for you. It's industrial chic is about as far removed from cutey-cutey world as you can get, and the gameplay is rock hard. And when I say rock hard, I mean rocks as in diamonds. That's hard.

If you get past the first level on your first go, you get a "I play rock hard games" chequebook and pen*

If you still want to play spin the black circle, then go ahead, but don't blame us when you mash your face into the keyboard in frustration.

*NB this is complete fabrication

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Go Superlambananas! posted by Reg on 13/03/2008 at 12:46 GMT (link)

It sounds like the kind of experiment we’d conduct in the dungeons of FJ Towers; crossing a cute little spring lamb with a banana to create a gargantuan bright yellow superlambanana!!! Mwahahahaha

If we’d done it first, we’d set our superlambanana off to rampage the surrounding villages and pillage virgins, scrump apples ‘n’ stuff. Liverpool had a different idea. It got it’s original superlambanana and is cloning it so it can colonise the rest of the city and finally get rid of the scouse menance! A worthy task for a mammal / fruit hybrid if there ever was one.

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MET office early warning system... posted by Taz on 13/03/2008 at 10:10 GMT (link)

While the majority of the population of Britain cowers under it's collective dayglow Kagool, huddling around a single 11 Watt energy saving lightbulb for warmth and generally dying of exposure, a few hardy shorts wearing, knobbly kneed, grinning fools out there are apparently already convinced it's nearly Summer.

None more so than Ashley, who this morning asked about this year's Summer Burn. Good grief Ash... are you stark raving mad? Can't you see we're all getting Hypothermia down here? Put those knees away and wipe that bloody grin off your face. T - I - B !!!*

Fairlplay though, it's a good point. Are we going to do it all again? Is the Summer Burn going ahead this year (In Summer mind you, and that's over 3 months away)?

Well it all depends on you lot. If you want the Summer Burn to return this year, we want your votes. We also want your suggestions if you've got any ideas about how to make sure every participant sends out thier CDs. So votes in the comments if you will, and suggestions in the forums please.

*This Is Britain

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ReadyMech Cameras posted by Reg on 07/03/2008 at 10:56 GMT (link)

I love cameras, me. I've got quite a few. I don't use them a lot, I just look at them and rub my thighs, but that's enough about me and my wierd obsessions.

Here's a bunch of "zany" pinhole cameras that you can download and make yourself. Then you can then stick them on a shelf and just look at them and rub your thighs, just like me.

Or you could actually take photographs with them, or something stupid like that.

Thanks Trudi

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Trigger Ball posted by Reg on 05/03/2008 at 15:10 GMT (link)

I love playing with heavenly bodies. Whoops! I mean heavenly bodies of this sort, my mistake. That’s why I enjoy Trigger Ball. It’s like billiards with planets. Or something.

I’ll get my coat

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Motion sickness. posted by Taz on 28/02/2008 at 17:28 GMT (link)

Bloody hell! The lads at Game Garage have been busy recently... I don't think a week has gone by this year without them telling me about another game they've brought out (er, sorry for not posting many... the dog ate the emails). The matchsticks must have got welded to their eyelids.

This one is a bit like an upsidown breakout, but almost entirely different, and the constant screen bumping will probably make you puke. Yay!

Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding for Bounce.

...now sit back down. You're making the place look untidy.

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SkyBlocs posted by Reg on 28/02/2008 at 17:12 GMT (link)

I really hate games where you have to read instructions first. I didn’t read the instructions before I started playing SkyBlocs, and therefore I thought it was cack.

But then I read the instructions, and now I’ve changed my mind. It’s not cack, it’s ace. I still hate reading instructions though. So I can thoroughly recommend SkyBlocs, as long as you read the instructions first. If you don’t, it’s cack. But it isn’t, it’s ace. Am I going round in circles? Cack / Ace. You decide*

*It still looks a bit cack. And the balls could roll a bit faster. But who am I to complain? That's right, a really important person. With opinions. Important ones. So listen up. Yeah.

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Not being shot by a rhino posted by Taz on 28/02/2008 at 07:42 GMT (link)

Any game that starts with the disclaimer "Dizziness and irritation of the eyes are common side effects", must be worth a look at. Mind you, they missed off "Irritation of the ears", which is something that'll have you reaching for the mute button within a minute or two.

Still, Pushies Plus 2 is as addictive as Curly Wurlys, so as Brucie would put it: Good game, good game!

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Sickety sick sicky posted by Reg on 21/02/2008 at 12:35 GMT (link)

Oh dear, it seems as if lots of bugs are going round at the moment. And no, I’m not talking about the cockroaches in the FJ biscuit tin, they’re always there, that's where they live, I mean bugs that make you feel ill.

Our resident man of medicine, Dr.Poppyjuice is working 25 hours a day, so it's up to you to dish out the drugs and get the blankets out to the needy. And after you've done that, stick the kettle on, this watching daytime TV thing is thirsty work, don't you know?

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National Mite Day! posted by Reg on 14/02/2008 at 12:06 GMT (link)

It's one of our favourite days of the year, here at FJ Towers: National Mite Day always brings a smile to our pudgey little faces, and an itch to our pants.

All of which bears no connection to Shooot 2, a great little game. That is, unless you've got a great imagination and you can imagine that circles are in fact mites. They're not, of course, they're just circles, but it's still a great little game.

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Koozac posted by Reg on 01/02/2008 at 12:28 GMT (link)

Koozac touts itself as Tetris meets Sudoku. It ends up being not as good as either, but if it's quality you're after, what the hell are you doing here?

It might keep you amused until you can find a biro to draw moustaches on pictures of topless ladies in your copy of today's tabloids.

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hello from Masterchef posted by Reg on 30/01/2008 at 16:37 GMT (link)

Once upon a time, we used to have a thriving forum community here at FJ Towers*. Of course all the new fangled web 2.0 malarkey saw an end to that a while back, but one of the people who used to hang around was called Leeloo. Well, she’s appearing on popular cooking televisual program Masterchef tomorrow night** at 8pm. Tune in and see if she falls under the spell of Gregg Wallace’s evil pie-influence.

*there’s may still be an occasional post, if you dare to go in

**That’s Thursday 31st January 2008

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Naan bread origins
The Naan bread familiar to us all in Indian takeaways around the country is in fact created from a cowpat. The fresh pat is first allowed to cool naturally on a rack, liberally seasoned and hung for three to four days and then flash-cooked by sticking it to the inside of a clay tandoori oven. This also explains the position of the cow as a revered animal in India.
Unreliable Facts from The Brains Trust

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
- Tommy Cooper

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