|
|
The Summer Burn has started! Check your inbox now. |
Send us news / links / sites
|
|
|
In these politically volatile times it's easy to be fooled into jumping on every hippy bandwagon that pulls up outside your door, waving your banners around and chanting things like "All we are saying is give piss a chance".
Here at Funjunkie Towers we have our very own share of protesters forever banging on our Titanium reinforced gates, trying to pull down our surveillance cameras and generally annoying the guard Wombats. We're never quite sure what they're protesting about because it tends to change from day to day, but it all started a few years ago when our then Commander in Chief, Wild, started collecting Rhesus monkeys for his Evil Robot Monkey Army project. Apparently it's inhumane to replace a monkey's eyeballs with 50,000,000 Watt Lasers. Who'd have thought?
Today it seems that the peasants are complaining about our captive gnomes in and around the grounds of FJ Towers. Who knows what they'll think of tomorrow?
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Knight moves.
Across the board.
Hitting the coloured squares.
Against the clock.
Time starts now.
Beat 113380 on your fist go.
Scores in the comments box.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
None of us had heard from F*ck Fluff Sally for a while, so we sent the wombat up to her room. He found a note saying that she had only gone and sneaked off to get married, innit?
Congrats, you old berks!
Since it's all getting a bit serious around here with babies and that, Badger Mushroom and I will be doing a live 48 hour mudwrestling webcast starting next Monday at 9pm. Since we're the only ones left who are allowed to do that kind of thing.
Not because we need an excuse to grapple each other or anything*.
*Have you seen Brokeback Mountain yet?
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
I've been trying to get a bit of a cabbage patch going here at FJ Towers for the past few months. It seems that every time I get close to harvest some little blighter comes in and pilfers all my hard work.
Fingers were instantly pointed at Reg, but he denied all knowledge. "It must be the wombat" I thought, but he's on holiday in darkest Peru.
Imagine my surprise when I found the culprit late one night, slugs. No, not just ordinary slugs, but Metal Slugs*. Buggers.
*This has got to be the shittest link into a game ever
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Forget the Winter Olympics. All the real winners are competing in the Underwater Olympics.
Obviously, you're not good enough to start with the hardcore sports like holding your breath for as long as you can while being attacked by sharks and jellyfish, so you may as well begin with puffball instead.
It's a bit like volleyball. But with crabs. And a puffer fish.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
I'm bloody starving and I had to walk to work in the snow because my dozy boyfriend left the car at the office, so he could go out boozing it up last night.
Anyway, whinging aside, at least I don't have it as bad as this little dude in Scraper Caper, who's lost his pack lunch and has to clamber about collecting it.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Morning!
My un-notable absence from the Funjunkie Friday Game FP action in the last couple of weeks is not without good cause.
I've been in the basement lab working on a new FJ animal cyborg army.
Unfortunately, as with previous attempts it didn't go entirely to plan. Unlike the Robot Monkey Death Squads the new batch were intent to only do good. As such they're pretty much useless to us for an attempt at world domination.
So they've gone freelance as independant War Bears.
I might just try and catch the wombat and have another go at changing his motherboard. Where are those chainmail gloves?
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
I've been a little quiet here lately, which isn't just due to my inbuilt sense of apathy, but more about the latest member of the Funjunkie family who's been keeping me awake at rather obscene times of the night.
So you'll have to excuse me for the lack of intelligable prose, and just get on with playing the first Funjunkie Friday Game of the week, which is actually not too bad. Bosozoku Fighters should keep you occupied while I go and change another nappy or two.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Remember kids, just because there's not a lot going on here on the front page, it doesn't mean we're all dead*. There's usually some action in the forums, and even possibly in one of our Flickr groups. Howzabout that then?
*Even though you might wish we were.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Yesssss, it's Friday, several more hours of mind numbing work and behold, the temporary freedom that is the weekend. Freedom to have a lie-in, read a book, eat, drink and be merry. Or you could just end up getting *stuck playing this game all weekend.
Spacerunner, navigate your way through the levels and collect coins. It's doesn't sound much of a threat to weekend freedom...but you wait till you've tried it.
*It's fiendishly simple, yet unbelievably annoying when you cock up!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Well, Reg isn't with us this Friday and judging by the boards he is greatly missed. He's buggered off on holiday and left you lot in the....eeerrr..... capable hands of us lot. Or so he reckons.
Anyway, as a parting shot from Reg to make his absence seem bearable, he asked us to put this game on for him.
Here's Makos, a rather cute puzzle game, which in all honesty furthers my belief that Reg is a girl: FACT!
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Here's a lesson for you kids. It can all start off so innocently, but in the end, someone's going to have a baby.
Yep, that's right. Young love has blossomed into a tiny new FJ addition. Congratulations Taz & Curls! Let's hope baby Rosa has her mother's hair and her father's.... errr, eyesight? Um, funny accent? OK, she just takes after her mother.
On a personal note, I can now laugh maniacally because I've just won ONE MILLION POUNDS on the sweepstake. Thanks Curls for pushing Rosa out on the right date, you've done us all proud
Yay!
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
If you’ve ever wanted to play a game where you take control of a hardhat wearing rabbit, who spends most of his time pulling up carrots while avoiding falling anvils, then today’s your lucky day!
It just so happens that today’s first Little Friday FJ game is indeed about hardhat wearing rabbits who spend most of their time pulling up carrots while avoiding falling anvils. What are the chances of that? Pretty high, I suspect.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
You’d be forgiven for thinking today is Friday, with all these games flying about, but it’s not. It’s not even Downhill day, as Taz stated earlier. It is in fact Wednesday, or Hump Day as they say in the trade. But what’s a bit of confusion about days between friends? I mean, to Taz, every day for the next 18 years is going to be like a Monday (or something), so where’s the big deal about it being Thursday when it’s only Wednesday?
Oh yeah, a point to all this day related blabber. You heard me mention another game, but you may have forgotten about that by now. Well here it is. It’s a puzzler, no doubt about it. I got stumped at level 7, and that’s not even half way through. Then again, at least I know what day it is, unlike some of the staff around here.
It’s Thursday, right?
UPDATE: Taz was in fact right. Today is downhill day, and tomorrow is Little Friday. Just play the game, OK?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
It may be Downhill Day for you lot, but for me it's almost the end of the working week entirely. It would be nice to gloat, but in truth I'll be spending the next coupld of days in hospital recovering from an afternoon's worth of high voltage electric shocks.
They should put warnings on Kites. Something along the lines of:
"WARNING: May contain traces of nuts."
or:
"WARNING: Not to be taken internally."
or perhaps:
"CAUTION: Slippery when wet."
None of which would be in the least bit useful, but it might distract me long enough to stop flying the damned thing into the overhead electricity cables.
Control with mouse movements, click to reel in, and try to bash the other kites. As usual, post your scores in the comments area.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
It’s a hard life being a FJ Editor. You’ve got to continually come up with amusing, informative and incisive introductions to stupid stuff from the interweb. Thankfully, sometimes the things that get linked don’t need much introduction. Not when they’re all about playing with sticky rings!
Fnar Fnar.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Funjunkie has always had its finger on the pulse of the music industry, giving you all the up to date news that you need to know about new bands, gigs, etc. Admittedly, the pulse has been a little weak in the past, and right now it seems to have disappeared altogether, which may of course explain the smell.
Today we're mainly listening to a band called Amateur Transplants, who's inspired lyrics include some classics such as:
"You look like shit when you wear nothing at all"
"You're yellow 'cause your liver has metastasis"
and
"Now you've got one lung, one eye, one knee below your one thigh"
and plenty more, most of which are completely unsafe fore work.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
If you’ve ever gone to bed drunk, or drawn on someone’s face in permanent pen, then I’m pretty sure you’ll like Fart Party. If you’ve never gone to bed drunk or drawn on someone’s face in permanent pen, then what have you been doing all this time?
That doesn’t apply to our under 18 readers. If such thing exists. FJ does not condone underage drinking, at all. No way. It’s not big, and it’s not clever, and none of us did it when we were nippers. Absolutely not. We’ve burned all the cine film, you can’t prove anything.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Word has got to us at FJ Towers saying that you’re not a very responsible person. We were going to send you the keys to the new hypersonic wombat-cruiser, the one with the ace sound system, but that’s probably a really bad idea. Especially as the insurance for it costs more than everything you own put together.
So instead, you can take charge of this red dot. Even so, I bet you still manage to smash it into a couple of walls. If, by some miracle you don’t, put in your lap times in the comments box.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
The New Cassettes have moved up in the world from forum band to a proper little beat-combo. Just a couple of months ago they were just a bunch of scruffy urchins banging out tunes down the local, tonight they’re on tour supporting The Strokes!
Good luck chaps – and remember – drinking lots of whisky is cool.
And you won’t remember so much in the morning.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Turn around. Go home. I bet you didn’t set the video.
Masterchef is on at 5.30pm today, not its usual slot. Why? Because some whacked out scheduler somewhere thought that the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics was more important.
I mean, as if?
Still, at least they’ve introduced some new sports to the games this year. There’s now icicle climbing for starters. No doubt we* won’t get a sniff of a medal though.
*The FJ National Team
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Game II of the day is probably going to give you a bigger risk of getting fired than Game I, simply because it's quite possibly one of the most addictive games we've ever had here on Funjunkie.
I've been playing it about 50 times a day for the past week, and my eyes have gone a bit funny. Badger Mushroom has become so addicted that he hasn't left his bedroom since Tuesday, and all we have to go on that he's still alive are the hourly cycles of strange wailing noises, followed by several minutes of rhythmic thumping sounds.
Pretty Pretty Bang Bang may look like the sort of free gift you might find inside a 10 year old packet of cornflakes, but mark my words... you'll never stop until you've managed to get past Suffocation Cheesecake, and even then it's doubtful.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Sometimes you don't need detailed graphics, special effects, complicated gameplay, or huge multi-player environments to get something out of a game. Sometimes it just takes the simplest concept, and you're hooked.
And that's what you're going to get for the first Funjunkie Friday Game this week. No panic, no frenzied keyboard bashing, and no stress.* Just a guarantee that you'll be playing this one for a lot longer than you'd think. Viral Billiards.
*Until you've tried beating my best score of 14 for the 1000th time.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Mary Poppins?
In an intergalactic satellite disaster?
Resulting in a Grow clone?
On a Thursday?
Now that is front page news!
You heard it here first*. The Russians have started making their own copies of The Best Web Game Ever™. Regrettably, the end result didn’t quite turn out to be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Still, it’s worth having a quick pop at if you have a couple of minutes, eh?
*Actually you read it.**
**…and you might have already known.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Funjunkie has always been pleased to support emerging new artists.* Today is no exception, as we proudly present the world’s first professional banana tattooist.
It’s an age old tradition that’s been passed down through generations of schoolboys, but this is the first time it has broken onto the international art scene.
Next week, re-evaluation of Picasso’s Blue Period.**
*This may be wholly untrue.
**This may be wholly untrue as well.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
The strapline for this game is: Your daily dose of science. It doesn’t conjure up images of having fun does it? But think again, if you did have to have a daily dose of science, isn’t it better that it’s in game form rather than just boring lecture?
Whatever you think, please give it a go. Underneath the scientific exterior is actually a rather good game, so long as you read the instructions first.
Who knows, it could inspire you to become the next Einstein! Although it’s more likely to inspire you to become the next Ferris Bueller. Either way, you’re probably on to a winner.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...
...a big transit van.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Have you ever fancied being in control of your own multinational burger chain?
What do you mean no? Not even if it’s made into a fun game? You’re a hard crowd to please! So you’re a vegan, and you don’t subscribe to the ethics of commercialism? Give me a break, I don’t even understand what that means.
Whether you fancy it or not, if you’re going to play it, do it now. No doubt the corporate police are going to come down hard and fast on these guys, so get in there before it’s banned.
p.s. Look, the cows poop!
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Rugby.
A game for men with funny shaped balls.
Which is highly appropriate because here at Funjunkie Towers we've all got funny shaped balls.
Even F*ck Fluff Sally and BeccaG. It's probably got something to do with solar radiation and the thin atmosphere here on Mars.
Anyway, to get you into the mood for the Six Nations here's a chance to try out for the England Academy. Slip on your skinny lycra top and get on the field. The wombat's already got his on. It's french.
Bloody traitor.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Today, it's a simple* game of Hide The Hotties.
You are a stud-muffin who's been a bit liberal with the Lynx and you have a room full of top totty with whom you have hopes of getting on with.
Unfortunately, Pops has other ideas and wants to bash your face in for wanting to de-flower his precious princesses. Hide the babes before the time runs out to save yourself a pounding**
*Well, we don't want anything too taxing on a friday, do we?
**And not in a good way.
Sorry for jumping the gun, but I can't sleep and I'm bored!
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Imagine sitting at home, quietly minding your own business, when a UFO crashes through your roof. Inside you find a magic wand that grants you countless wishes. You then go around changing the world to exactly how you want it to be.
Now stop imagining.
This kind of thing happens all the time at FJ Towers. It’s just that none of us get our hands on the magic wands first because the wombat’s too quick. If just once one of those flipping UFO’s crashed while he was doing his ablutions, we might just have a chance, but no. We have to make do with our strict rota of going down the corner shop to buy more biscuits. The wombat doesn’t even let us use one of his many wands to have a permanently full biscuit barrel. What a selfish bastard.
Things are different for this guy. He didn’t have a wombat to beat him to it. The jammy bugger.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Did you know that in the world of downhill skiing, the competitors decide their own starting position on the eve of the event?
Therefore, you had better start getting your practice in now, before the FJ Friday Games skiing competition starts in earnest* tomorrow. Post your times and your proposed starting position in the comments box.
Bagsy me be 69th**.
*That’s not a place, by the way.
**Guffaw
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Uses
Compact discs are used to make cheap Ninja throwing stars in the Far East. Modern day Ninja warriors apparently prefer using Hear'say's debut album because of its superior aerodynamic properties.
Unreliable Facts from The Brains Trust |
|
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
- Tommy Cooper |
|
|
|
DeathGob
