Send us news / links / sites
|
|
|
Thanks to FJ regular RM Debs, we've got a whole load of new photographs in Boys with Funjunkie on their Bum watch.
Be affraid, be very affraid...
Probably not safe for work. Unless you work in a very liberated knicker factory. One that caters for men.
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
When I was a nipper, many moons ago*, there used to be a comic called Commando.
Each month there was a furiously jingoistic story scrapily printed in black and white on little sqaure pages. The English soldiers were always referred to as Tommies, the Germans were always called Hanz or Fritz, the French were always portrayed as scheming wimps, and the Japs always fell off their bicycles screaming "Aieeeeeee!"
Thankfully, the sentiments in these curious little comics didn't affect the way I grew up. I'm fairly well balanced**, and don't feel the need to go round shooting the schemeing rat faced weasely french cretins from my bi-plane that I've named Onion death.
*The filaments in the first six burned out too quickly
**Untrue
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
It's the olympic sport of kings! No, not polo, bowls, lawn bowls. Apart from this version of bowls is bad boy bowls.
How many times do you think I can get the word bowls into one post? Bowls.
bowls
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Its raining. Well, it's not raining here, but the general mood seems to be a bit down. Are you all still asleep? It's friday! It's payday! Madge has been snogging chart teeny boppers!
Blow away your rainy weather blues by jumping into your helicopter and heading of to sunnier climes to shoot down some naughty terrorists. Yes, the Funjunkie friday games marathon starts here. Kaboom!
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
Now listen, I wanna try something right now, see they don't do this anymore. I'm goin to sing something, and I want the guys to sing with me:
They go: "It feels like something's heating up, can I leave with you?"
And then the ladies go: "I don't know what I'm thinking bout, really leaving with you"...
Unconfirmed reports from a Justin Timberlake insider said he was quite aroused by the ladies action at last night's MTV music video awards. Photographs of him jumping up and down on his seat while vigourously rubbing his thighs have yet to surface.
|
| (comment on this? [21]) |
|
|
No doubt this is the gazillionth post about the weather in the UK weblog sphere today, but what the hell, as far as cultural stereotypical obsessions go, its not exactly offensive (unlike the Italians' apparent inability to pass a goat without kicking it in the udders*).
So, adios British Summer - I can't pretend that you'll be missed much, all I can remember of summer this year was thousands of Brits on Bournemouth's beach sweating away like a huge huddle of shivering arctic penguins suddenly teleported to the middle of Death Valley.
So lets celebrate the rain that's currently plummeting down all over Britain. Lets whoop! And Holler! And have a RGT! **
Play the Rain Game! ***
* I've never heard that they do this, but I haven't heard that they don't, so it could be true.
** RGT (Really Good Time)
*** Caution. May involve going Outside.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
In a precursor to tommorows marathon FJ friday game session, here's a quiz to keep you busy: the Jedi Test.
Are you a goody two shoes, or is the dark side strong within you? I'm 35 on the goody scale. What are you? Leave your score in comments.
|
| (comment on this? [9]) |
|
|
Straight out of the "What The Fuck?" archives: Boy has penis grown onto his arm.
I don't know where to begin. I really don't.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
It's madder than a bag of spanners over at Mr & Mrs Wheatley's place.
There's exploding cats and pyrotechnic gymnasts and choose your own adventures, and everything!
There's a virtual village fete worth of stuff to be seen! Go there now, and don't come back until there's a smile on your face.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
At 9.16 am this morning we had one of our strangest referrals yet.
You have to show me wallpapers of naked ladies otherwise i will complain to the police.
If that wasn't bizarre enough on it's own, we only came in second. With a match of just three of the words.
Sorry we couldn't help you out Mr Frustrated Wallpaper man, but I'd like to point you in the direction of our own specialist FJ wallpapers.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
'A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "this sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)' And other such quotes from the Radio 4 website.
Might go some way to making me feel a bit better after last nght's disasterous football match.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
Taz's Mum was going to be our guest editor this week. Unfortunately she decided to withdraw her offer of being our agony aunt after realising that you lot were beyond help. She's baking us some fun size crumbles instead.
So we've got a gap in the schedule to fill. I thought about standing in as the agony aunt myself, but I don't want to make things worse for you.
Thankfully, this instructional health video was popped through the letterbox a few minutes ago. It's not going to solve all of your relationship problems in one foul swoop, but it may help you get rid of your warts.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Its already past five, and we all know that you're just clock watching until the whistle blows and you get to jump in your car, pull out into the street and sit in a traffic jam for 40 minutes.
As a pre-emptive steam blowing off session, launch a few rockets to cellebrate the end of the day.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
The news wombats (our version of news hounds) have unearthed a rather distrubing new trend in Japan. Photo sticker booths are turning into amateur porn shows in a trend known only as Eropuri.
"When we go to the beach, we always try to find a game arcade nearby so we can take some print club photos. And if it's just a bunch of us girls, we start off with normal poses, but then get more into it the more photos we take until it's like a case of, 'Well, we've come this far, we may as well take a couple of nude shots, too.' And we get all our gear off."
The news wombats have yet to unearth any evidence, and therefore have not been given their rations of Pedigree Chum.
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
First there were Arse Bandits. Then it was Rhythm Bandits*. Now, just in time to jump on the Pirate bandwagon, it's Bomb Bandits!
Shiver me timbers! It's like a bomberman/snake south seas party of a game - and you're invited. Rum not included.
*SIC
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
We're thinking of doing a bit of rebranding here at FJ Towers. We've hired some experts to try and help us capture a more mature audience.
To be quite honest with you, we're fed up with people finding the site after doing searches like Stinky Farts and Wet Pants Big. I mean, come on! Wet Pants Big? That doesn't even make sense, godammit!
Here are a few of the taglines the experts proposed:
It Takes A Tough Man To Make A Tender funjunkie
Vorsprung Durch mug of tea
That should get rid of those twatting homemade bomb enthusiasts. Maybe.
|
| (comment on this? [10]) |
|
|
Are you ready?
Are you ready for love?
No? I better switch Elton off then. *vrrrt*
Thanks to FJ regular 'Pale Tits', we've got some new pictures of girls and boys flashing their bits in the name of Funjunkie. A bit like this:
Make sure you're not drinking hot tea / eating a bacon sandwich while viewing. You'll see why.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Good morning you cute little bundles of pure unadulterated joy, you!
Oh no, hang on, you're Funjunkie readers, more likely then that you're disastrously hungover, unshaven, you're wearing yesterday's shirt, you smell like a dog and you're biting the head off anyone who even implies that you start doing any work before you've finished your third coffee.
Some of you may even have managed to offend other travellers on the tube this morning - forcing your stale gin-sweaty armpits into the olfactory glands of innocent city workers.
You were probably still drunk and gibbering like a loon at anyone who caught your eye. In which case you might have been recorded. Lucky you.
Fav quotes from the British public at large:
"Look. A canary. You don't see many of those on the tube."
"If we don't get home soon, we're going to miss Quincy."
Class. Cheers Manic
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Today Mars* is going to get as close to Earth as it possibly can without getting caught in the Congestion Charging zone. Evidently Mars is making a move on Earth, which has been on the cards for some time now. It is well known that Mars has had the hots for Earth since Jupiter divorced our poor planet and went off with that Uranus slut!
So mars will be the closest you'll ever have the privelige to see it, which can mean one thing, and one thing only:
It will definitely be overcast.
Enjoy.
*The planet, not the chocolate bar.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
I recently found myself stuck in a lift with 3 stand up comedians for 45 minutes at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. The lift wasn't going anywhere because it was sat in the middle of a beer garden, such is the life of a liftoholic.*
Now pay attention, because this is the science bit.- Stuck in lift with 3 comedians. - Elevator mood: High
- Stuck in lift with 3 comedians and 1 flatulent old man. - Elevator mood: Low
- Stuck in lift with 3 comedians, 1 flatulent old man and a funjunkie editor. - Elevator mood: Scary
Got that? Now go and play chess or I'll set the wombat on you.
*Send any 'made up words' complaints to Oxford Universities Press. Its probably their fault.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Okay I'll admit it... I've been fairly quiet recently, which is most unlike me. Its all down to my latest fad.
You see I've taken to donning a black catsuit and following people around, thus foxing them into thinking that they have 2 shadows. This is especially fun in the case of vampires, although my knowledge is a bit hazy in this area and I expect somebody to tell me that its not vampires who cast no shadow, but instead its small Yorkshire Terriers or something like that.
Anyway, its all been getting a bit difficult lately because some of my targets started playing basketball.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Its our fault we guess for mentioning the word bomb at some point in the last few years, but we get a lot of idiots coming here from google looking for bomb recipes.
We've bated them with bomb-related google-bombs (this is getting confusing) a couple of times just to annoy them, but still the wankers keep on coming.
And now, they're getting their own back by posting bomb making recipes in our own comments! Truly lovely people.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Should you be the morbid type that only watches car races for the crashes (and lets face it, you're not watching them to see who the sponsors were are you?) then you'll love the enormous compendium of car crashes over at UKF1.
Unfortunately, my crash a couple of years back where I plowed into a 50 ton truck side on at 80mph hasn't been recorded for posterity (not my fault). Would have made good watching that, and I'm sure the insurance company would have loved to have gotten their hands on it.
|
| (comment on this? [14]) |
|
|
It's a tale of woe and strife; of a battle against the elements; of chasing pigs around semi-naked; the struggle of class...
Oh sorry, no it isn't. I thought it was 'Lord of the Flies', my mistake. Nope, it's Lord of the Pies, the pie eating competition. It's an easy mistake to make.
Make sure you're wearing a bib!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The Matrix. Beer. Stickmen.
These are the kinds of things that internet nerds adore. And why not? They're all good clean fun. See them all in action together here first!
Well, after you've seen the link on all the other sites that have already linked it. We've all been on holiday, give us a chance.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
You have a Playstation. You have a copy of The Getaway (that geographically correct London crime game that's actually a big pile of pants). You have a mate with a camera. You have far too much time on your hands.
So what do you do?
Well, you painstakingly recreate the game in real life of course!
We like the dedication that these two fellas have shown here. We like that sort of thing very much.
Coming soon to Funjunkie, a real life version of Bust-A-Move. Or Halo. Or Ultimate Championship Chess Grandmaster 2013. Haven't decided yet.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
For years and years during my mates and I would discuss the feasibility of melting wood. Yes, instead of nicking grannies' handbags or ripping hubcaps off cars, we would discuss geek-chemistry and molecular bonding.
We nearly even named our band after it as well, only narrowly preferring its final title: 'No Sheep in Mongolia'.
The very idea of what a tree would look like in liquid form managed to bamboozle us to such an extent that we finally lost our sanity and ended up as the wasters that you see before you today, when we could have been successful genius scientists all along.
Well, blow me if years later I was to discover that others are equally as ridiculous, especially when they should know better.
Before any smart arse writes in with the answer, we had our dreams of liquid wood cruelly shattered by a boffin dad. We were gutted.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
Being the backwards dimwit that I am, I'm not signed up to the B3ta Friday Newsletter. Today was my first ever encounter with it, and a fine piece of work it is too.
One of the links is about a guy getting a b3ta tattoo. You've got to have a readership that's a bit mental to do something like that haven't you?
It's a bank holiday this weekend. You'll be doing a lot of drinking in the sunshine. At no point should you think it's a good idea to get any FJ tattoos. The phrase 'Funjunkie made me do it' won't work in this situation. We won't be impressed. But: if one just happens to get inked on your skin for ever, take a picture of it. You might get a postal order for £2.53 for your efforts, and maybe a badge. But not from us.
No, seriously, don't get one
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
We're not really in the habit of mirroring the links that B3ta get because quite frankly you should be signed up to the finest link-fest that is the B3ta Friday Newsletter.
This one however, is so good that it had to be regurgitated. An excruciatingly good conversion of the Fatboy Slim video for "Weapon of Choice" featuring Christopher Walken, converted entirely into stick figure world.
Magic.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
WooWee! Have we got a doozey of a game for you this afternoon!
That was a rhetorical question, the answer being: Yes. And before you ask, a doozey is a bit like dozey, but with an extra 'O' and a completely different meaning.
This baby's in the classic style of Thrust, but with extra balls. Go to the toilet before you start playing, you may be some time...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Go into any mens toilet in any office in england, and you're sure to find a huge collection of old toilet rolls. Some of them may even have have scraps of paper left on them.
No one quite knows why this strange phenomenon occurs, but it might be because they'll come in really handy one day. They also make good Blue Peter style stand-ins for washing up bottles, for the times when you need to knock up a periscope / trumpet / splat the rat stall at the drop of a hat.
Today is national amnesty on empty toilet roll build up day*, so pop along to your nearest bog and set the little blighters free. They'll be terribly grateful for their freedom, I'm sure, and they look so lovely in their natural habitat prancing around on the dusty prairies.
Right, I'm going to drop the kids off at the pool.
*I just made that up.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Taz reckons that by playing games, you're going to ruin your chances of ever getting a job. Technically he's right, but you can pretend you've got a new job by playing the cash register till game.
You might even learn new skills such as adding up while playing, so what are you waiting for? A lunch break?
Cheers b3ta.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Friday is upon us once again. What's more, its the friday starting a Bank Holiday weekend, which means there ought to be games a plenty... We couldn't have you lot getting bored on us, could we?
The list was drawn up this morning on the back of a fag packet in the Funjunkie Changing room. Lots were drawn, and after the inevitable towel snapping and searching for hidden socks, we went our separate ways to find the games that will one day destroy all chance of you ever getting an interview, nevermind another job!
Game one is simple, but far too addictive for words. All you have to do is Destroy the Virus. I actually managed it once... took me bloody ages, three cups of tea and a double lobotomy.
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
Friday morning sees we, the residents of Funjunkie Towers, giving you another free gift. Why? Because we're such nice people. That, or it was the threat from the Wallpaper tax office who told us that we either fill our free wallpaper quota for the year, or pay a hefty revenue.
Beware the Wombats.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Open mail.
Get SoBig.F
Read about how to increase my penis size and increase my self esteem.
Get informed of Kylie's new range of pants. Every cloud has a silver lining, so they say. While you're looking at Kylie's pants, you may as well have a look at some of the t-shirts too, because they are 'totally awesome, dude', which I think means 'rather nice'.
The red one with a photo of Kylie over it is very nice. The yellow one's not bad either. The one with the logo... ah, you get the drift.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
I am cool. I can prove it.
Guess what the No.1 hit single was on the day I was born?
Let's give you a clue:
Reg: I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
You lot: He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Yes, you've got it! The Bo Rhap! No wonder I like wearing tight white jump suits, capes and dangerous 'taches. I don't know what the demographic is for the average FJ reader, but I bet your song isn't so good. Bill Haley? Bros? Leave your songs in comments.
Ta very much Dan.
|
| (comment on this? [13]) |
|
|
I love Edinburgh. Its a happnin city baby. Its got groovy chicks and funky lads and best of all, its got some reet slack licensing laws. Fantastic during the fringe season.
But a little down towards the coast lies its evil mutant half-formed locked-in-the-attic brother, Leith.
I had to work in Leith a few times, unhappily. Both times with stroppy Estate Agents who had arse-end of the world agencies but acted like they were the be-all-and-end-all. I really hated Leith and its cacky shops and pubs, struggling to act up to the utter coolness of its sibling and ending up blowing blood vessels and getting hives in the process.
Luckily for Leith, the whole infrastructure's already there for the celebs to move in and make it cool. Why Leith takes us through the highlights that they can enjoy during the upcoming MTV Awards.
Cheers Blatant Optimism
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The BBC reports that the small town of Aireborough in West Yorkshire is England's most average town.
**YAWN**
Now what's more exciting is England's most non-average town. It's obviously a town full of super-heroes with mutant powers and baddies with dastardly plans. A town full of underground lairs and soaring sky houses. A town bursting at the seams with people taking their diplodocuses for a walk and children scrumping top secret military plans from Old Man Smith's backyard. A town where the major religion is Old Ebonic Hamsturian and where its customary to throw bundles of tea at each other as a form of greeting.
So can the census tell me what that is eh? No, I thought not.
Stupid census. Doesn't tell anyone anything interesting.
I'm in a sulk now.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Sport and Chat radio station Five Live must be a wonderful place to work. I mean, they've only got the panic of having to find 5 essential things for their show before they go on air in 10 minutes time.
Here in FJ headquarters, we always find ourselves in the same situation shortly before going to press with our monthly magazine.* The things that make it harder for us though, are Reg's constant gestapo style interrogations about where his bloody biscuits have gone to and the small matter of having far too much spare booze in the office. It'd be a crime if we didn't drink it, and you don't want us to become criminals now do you?
* But we've never beaten the deadline yet, which is why not one single copy of the Funjunkie monthly magazine has ever been produced to date. Next month will be different. Maybe.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
If you are a regular here at FJ Towers, then there are two skills that we constantly demand from you. By now they should be honed until it hurts. What are they?
Patience and lightning relflexes.
You'll need both of them for this game of Lil' Monsters. If you can't see the inner workings and subtle machinations that it offers, then you're too shallow to be hanging around here.
Move left, move right, avoid monsters, beat 61.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Has your cheese on toast lost a bit of pizazz since the bottle of Worcestershire sauce ran out? Well, fret not, dear friend.
Here's an ingenious solution to add danger and excitement to your cooking, on a scale not seen since the heydays of Gene Simmons and Bruce Dickinson. Yes, it's the essential 80's rock kitchen aid!!!
Put the glam back into ham!
It's still nearly my birthday
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
I've been installing a CCTV system here at FJ Towers. There have been several unsolicited raids on the communal biscuit barrel, and no one is owning up.
Wild reckons he was nowhere near the scene of the crime, and Taz said he ate so many Lamb and Mint crisps last night that he's not hungry.
There are several other possible explanations, rogue ninjas, scavenging wombats, etc that I decided to start my surveillance on the recreation area. Lo and behold, what's the first thing I see? Taz and Wild doing a surreptitious biscuit exchange by the Coke machine! Busted!
They've now got to get back to the cellars while avoiding my avenging team of biscuit collectors. Go get 'em, boys!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Rubik's Cubes. They're only good for a couple of things, none of them being a toy to keep you amused for long periods of time.
Better uses are:
1) A knobly missile to be aimed at your sibling's head
2) A suprise lump to be left in a sibling's bed
3) An object to rip apart, and then leave scattered on various flights of steps, in the hope your sibling will trip and fall to a nasty death.
This online version doesn't even have a 'peel the stickers off' cheat mode. What a swizz.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
I have terrible phobia about sharks. I know that my death will involve my flesh being ripped up by those big fucking wanker fish arseholes.
God I hate em. I scream like a girl when shark programmes come on TV. I start slapping my head like an inmate out of 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'. People turn to watch me flip out rather than the TV.
Its so bad a phobia that I even occasionally get afraid of shark attacks when in the bath.*
So, you can no doubt guess that I was overjoyed to be looking at this gallery of sharks jumping a million feet into the air, no doubt to bring down a 747 or something that's flying overhead.
Now I'm going to get shark related panic attacks when on an airplane. Great.
Cheers Attu
* the shower remains shark free, but its only a matter ot time until the bastards figure it out.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
No, this isn't some sort of alternative outcome of the wo-ar (shhh, don't mention the war!) - but simply credit where credit's due to the German ladies who entered the Lara Croft Video Lookeelikee Contest and remembered to shave their armpits.
Coming soon, a post on Funjunkie that doesn't contain cultural stereotyping! S'true!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
There are lots of new pictures in Girls with FunJunkie on their boobs watch and Boys with FunJunkie on their bums watch. In fact, there's something for everyone - even a couple wearing matching PVC sailor suits!
There's nothing too outrageous, just be a little bit careful at work. OK?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Everybody hates spam, apart from the spammers of course, who seem to spend every hour of the day trying to find new ways of getting their messages past our email filters. Many web users are so sick of spam that they end up losing all signs of dignity, or indeed sanity, and start Ranting uncontrollably.
But are spammers really so bad? Perhaps they're just misunderstood. Maybe we should just listen to them for a while.
Strangely captivating.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
The 28 Days Later discussion rages on. Would the film have been any better with an alternative ending?
I imagine Wild would say: Film starts, bloke wakes up, everyone in the world is dead, nothing happens, the end.
Here's your chance to not only read about the power of audience testing, but to add a few alternative ending suggestions yourself.
Return of the Jedi: "As Luke prepares to launch his missiles at the Death Star, Obi-Wan's sudden ethereal presence urging him to 'use the farce' so upsets and startles him that he flies straight into a wall. Hilarity ensues."
Cheers Crazy Mr.F, I would link you, but your site is bust
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Okay, you've passed all the entry exams, you've done all the coursework, written your thesis and come out after 3 years with your BSc (hons) in Pinball Technology. Now you're ready for the real thing.
Its the real world now. None of your crappy wooden pinball machines with clanging bells, no more queueing behind the little charvers who're using up all their lunch money while skiving school. Its time to earn your keep. Its time for Advanced Pinball.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
It's not even friday yet, but you've been good so far this week, so you can have an early game.
Test your reflexes against a wasp like object, in a battle of hand-eye coordination. If you get caught playing at work, your just improving your spatial awareness. That's bound to convince your supervisor.
Try and beat 25 on your first go.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Let's just say, for the sake of arguement, that Dead Or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball came on an old style cart instead of a DVD. I like the game, but I'm not so obsessed with it that I'll buy every copy that I can lay my hands on and use them as a Lego-style building block.
This guy, on the other hand, has got enough carts of his favourite baseball game that he can take a bath in them. Or build a life size coffin out of them. Or construct a tower nearly tall enough to surround himself in.
Nuts.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
I love video games. I quite like girls in bikinis too. Therefore, somewhat contraversially, I really enjoy playing Dead Or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball.
Now the worlds of DOA-XBV and 'real life' have crossed over, and some of the swimsuits from the game have been made available for purchase. They don't have my cup size, so I won't be wearing one. I'll just stick to shorts and visors on the beach.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
A few weeks ago Reg gave you the Kiss Dolls dress up toy, and he saw that it was good. But just when you thought things couldn't get any better, we found the perfect toy to infuriate the religous surfers some more.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Kneel down and bow your heads in shame before giving Jesus a Makeover. Remember to laugh at the one person in the office who takes offence.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
It seems I've roused some misguided passions earlier today when I described brit-zombie film 28 Days Later as fecking shite.
Ok, perhaps those weren't my original words, but you may take it as read that that was the spirit in which they were meant. Here's my review:
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [18]) |
|
|
Read how I accidentally turned into an amateur pornographer at the weekend.
p.s. NOT WORK SAFE
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Bonus snackage occurred this afternoon when I found an exact replica of a baby giraffe in my packet of Twiglets! Get the Vatican on the phone. This is evidently some sign prophesising the second coming of the holy Giraffe of Twiglezareth.
The Twiglet giraffe and a real giraffe, today.
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
When I first started Girls with FunJunkie on their Boobs watch, I didn't think it would last. A flash in the pan, if you like.
I sorely underestimated the drive and determination of some of our readers. Thanks to 'The Bint', we have just achieved our first full frontal.
An uncensored version can be found along with all the latest entries here. Just be careful at work, OK?
Due to the success, and because we're just nice like that, we've also opened a Boys with FunJunkie on their bums watch. Enjoy.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Noooooooooooo!
You fools! You unleashed the zombies! We're all doomed.
Much more fun than watching the very piss-poor 28 Days Later - the Zombie Simulator
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Hmm, I'm very busy at the moment deep down within the dank catacombs of the FJ Towers.
I shall need a holiday soon (prob October).
And that's where you come in. Where should I go on holiday, how and why?
I'll take the best idea as my vacation. Serious.
Add your ideas to this thread in our forums. Interesting ideas only please.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
If you're stuck in the office on such a lovely friday afternoon, you'll probably be in the mood to chuck stuff at the boss.
If you're NOT stuck in the office, and you're inside playing on the internet instead of getting drunk in the park, then you're not doubt looking for porn. You mucky buggers.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Another bit of Friday fever for you, which should keep you occupied for at least 3 seconds.*
Please stand up, bow your heads and chant in a sort of Buddhist psychopathically bored fashion, whilst waving your arms around... Ladies and gentlemen, please give thanks for Brekky Races.
Its like Micro Machines, but crap!
*Funjunkie make no guarantees that you will be interested for any more than 9.7 pico seconds.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
England - a green and pleasant land. Buckingham palace. Gents in bowler hats. Black Cabs. Cricket. Pimms. Underage northeners drinking Buckfast.
This is the true England, you better believe it.
p.s. Hannah is fit
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
|
I've witnessed nasal rabbit sex in real life. It's not a pretty sight, although it's damn funny. Imagine if you were a bunny, happily having a snooze, and another bunny races over to you and starts banging away at your nose. How would you feel? I think that you'd be pretty annoyed, but apparently not.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Blimey Charlie! I almost forgot it was Friday.
Quick everyone, down tools and get some serious gaming done, else we'll all get fired. I'm sure there was some link between game playing and unemployment anyway.
Here's my starter for 10, which is quite a groovy little concept on the old asteroids games. This time you've got one of those little bat-bungee-ball sets to hit the... er... whatever the fuck they are.
Strangely addictive
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
In the absence of a FJ Friday Game (there will be one), here's a toy to play with. It's more of a nice thing than a fun thing, but hopefully it will give us enough breathing space to send out the wombats to the farthest reaches of the interweb to scrounge some decent games.
Ta M&C
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Tony Hawk, author of 'Around Ireland with a fridge', regularly gets confused with Tony Hawks, skateboarder extraordinaire. Enthusiastic kids seem to not care that they may be sending skateboard related emails to the wrong person:
hey man are you the tony howks that skates if you are man god dam were good
i love your playstation games man they are cool
bye
Hey man to you too. I am not the Tony Howks that skates. In fact I am not even Tony Howks. Such is the extent of your error.
Stop pestering Mr Hawk, and go and read some more of his emails.
Thanks to Crazy Mr F for sending that in. Where's your Squarepusher review?
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Having a bad day? Full of vitriol and spite? Angry at the world and everything in it?
Well, you could either just vent spleen:"To my work colleague,
you are a little fker. die i hate you. so grow you short little retard. i don't care if you wear label clothing you are a fuckstain" or spread some malicious goddip about someone:"Alyssa Milano
Dirt has actually eaten shit; on one movie set in Canada, she infuriated a propmaster and after bitching him out, she ordered him to get her something off the craft services table (food bar). He got her a hot dog, but before giving it to her, shoved his shit in it using a pen's inkwell." Its your choice.
Either way, you'll feel much better afterwards.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Aliens keep abducting little Timmy over in the good old US of A. Luckily, little Timmy is a whiz with crayons, and we can learn a lot about these abductions from his drawings.
The first thing that strikes me is that a lot of the drawings look like the the high concept artwork that I decided to discard for my summer burn CD's.
The second thing is that they're all done by little Timmy's Mum.
|
| (comment on this? [9]) |
|
|
So, being the glorious and loyal reader of FJ that you are, you'll know by now that Reg, Taz and I all inhabit a massive tower somewhat imaginatively titled 'The FJ Towers'.
You'll know that I'm usually to be found down in the cellars deep beneath the offices, tinkering and inventing ground breaking stuff like wheels for dogs.
You'll know that Taz usually whiles away the hours by either securing the wombat cage after another escape and subsequent rampage by the aforementioned wombat, or by bandaging his wounds from the attack.
So how do we make any money? What keeps the FJ empire going as the multinational crypto-industrial publishing giant that it is?
Well I would have thought it was obvious really. We get Reg to model jewellery. He's actually rather good - he's booked out by all the agencies for the next 3 months.
 Hello sailor! |
| (comment on this? [11]) |
|
|
Yesterday we covered the subject of Einstein's theory of relativity, whilst looking at it from a purely computational point of view. Now I know that you spotty geeks at the front who brought in apples for me, have done your homework and read around the subject for extra credit. I also know that those of you who're now sitting at the back, yes we all know who you are, probably don't even know what day it is.
So today we're going to cover Gravity*. Open your books at page 357 and start snoring.
*If you have no idea what this is supposed to be, just point and click.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
So today is left handers day. What's to celebrate about that? The only thing worth celebrating is the peculiar skill that lefties have of smudging their own handwriting while writing, due to their broken seagull bill shaped claws, sorry, hands.
I say we sign the petition to make this day into national underwear day. I don't think I have to explain at great length why that is a great idea.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Ok. You're a monkey in a city zoo. You hate it - the bananas are crap and the gibbons keep chucking faeces at you.
Bleargh. So, like any other self respecting monkey, you decide to escape. You plot an elaborate plan involving levers, pulleys and the refraction index of an average pair of sunglasses.
Finally, the big day comes, and put your complex plan into action. To your enormous surprise, it works, and you hurtle over the zoo walls to your new found freedom.
But what now? Where to go? What to do? You're no doubt confused as to where in the city you are and you've no idea how to get to the banana warehouse in the Eastern district.
This is where you make your mistake. If you're an escaped monkey with a hunger for fruits in a strange city, DO NOT, under any circumstances, take the bus to get there. Such a stupid mistake. And you call yourself a genius. Tch.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Have you ever dabled with unusual facial hair combinations? No, not you, you're a girl, I'm asking the blokes.
If you've always wanted to, but faced (geddit?) opposition to the idea from you lady friend, or just feared ridicule, here's your chance. Tache Back are organising a sponsored 'tache growing. All money raised goes to research into crown jewel ache, and if you get a really good 'tache, then you get to go to a party with people like Dermot O'Leary.
Better not grow it too good then.
Thanks to FJ occaisional Kaiser for modelling such a ridiculous tache for us
|
| (comment on this? [12]) |
|
|
Marketing email question of the day:
'Why not try a “Horse's Neck”?'
Strangely enough I can think of several reasons.
|
| (comment on this? [11]) |
|
|
Yes, as our logo proudly pronounces, today is Left Hander's Day - the day when the undead rise out of their graves and start to suck the marrow out of living people's bones whilst the hapless victim screams in cold terror and agony...
Well, I say that, but I'm lying. What really happens is crows fly onto the shoulders of all left handed people and the lefties then send their black wing-ed minions to peck out the eyes of any right handed person, before then placing small unripe tomatoes in the empty eye sockets to serve as extra humiliation.
I'm just having you on. What really happens is that lefties over the world suddenly stop in the street and begin to hum at a frequency that causes the blood in all normal people to solidify so the lefties can then take over the world with their legions of the undead and crows.
Or they just celebrate left handed scissors and golf clubs or something. Sinister bastards that they are.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
We're big fans of ninjas here at FJ HQ, so it's nice to see that there's a new place in town where we can hone our ninja skills.
I'd like you to join me in forming our own FJ ninja clan. How do we do that? I hear you cry. Well, follow the steps in the easy ninja lesson plan, and send them in a photo! Simple. Remember to state you clan name as Funjunkie.
Let's just hope they update their site a bit more often than Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop, who STILL haven't added our entries. The buggers
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
I've been spending a little too much money on food and beer recently, without spending any on the local gym. This is no different to usual of course because I've never been down the gym in my life, but the thought was there and as they say: "Its the thought that counts".*
So its time for Taz to get into a new fitness regime. Unfortunately I don't have a great deal of time, so I'll have to settle with a short run around the block each morning. Perhaps I'll take a leisurely stroll in the afternoon... perhaps.
This morning on my virtual run**, I took a detour around my local Theme Park, Aaarrrggg. Got chatting to Rex while I paused for a stretch, and found out some really interesting stuff.
"Bark!"
Fucking genius! Thanks TTR2.
*They are of course eejits!
**Oh come on... you didn't think I'd use my feet did you?
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Well, this morning brought new surprises in the form of the Cartoon Network's Scooby Doo cereal.
Looks enticing doesn't it? Sharing breakfast with Scooby, Shaggy and Old Man Withers ("I'll get you pesky kids!") - I didn't need a second invitation.
So what are they? Well, the pack says they're "Chocolate flavoured Scooby Doo cereal shapes with white chocolate coated cereal snacks".
In reality, they look like small rabbit turds. Honestly, it's not really very appealing.
Ok, I get the dog shaped pieces as vaguely Scooby Doo related - but the round turds?
And the white chocolate snacks? Well, they were fine, oh sorry, IT was fine - there only seems to be one per box.
VERY disappointing and unappetising.
FAIL.
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
Bootlegging tracks used to be the domain of the wierd and pallid skinned - but with several big name tracks in the charts inspired by bootlegging and with wide radio airplay, its gone on to become an established feature in many a nightclub playlist on its own.
So you've sampled the delights of The Spice Girls singing to the Human League? You've bumped out to Eminem trashing it out with Metallica and you've nodded wisely at the genius of a Duran Duran and Marilyn Manson soundclash and don't know where to turn next?
Looks like you'll be needing Boot106 FM - the bootlegger's radio station.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Munky Brains, winner of the first FunJunkie finest follower competition, was finally presented with his star prize this weekend.
Congratualtions sir. You are a winner. Now make sure you put the camera to good use.
Notice the way I put a large barrier in between myself and him. He's a loose cannon, you've got to take precautions.
|
| (comment on this? [14]) |
|
|
Taz returns to Funjunkie Towers with a larger gut and a tan. Its been a strange week, which was amplified by the fact that it wasn't a week at all and it was oddly wierd. This means it was probably a bit bizarre in a kind of 'off the wall' sort of way, although as weeks go, it was longer than seven days.
Still with me? Okay.
Obviously I haven't been surfing anything but the big blue for the past few days, so my bag of links is rather empty. But I did find this little* number over at Coolios. I suggest you don't start playing it at work... its a bit on the slow side. Rather like me.
*Actually its not in the slightest bit little.
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
A while ago we held a competition to see who could make us some birthday cards to celebrate our 2 year anniversary.
The runner-up, Manic over at Bloggerheads, won a rather spiffy Domokun Kettle. Here's me modelling said prize all those moons ago.
 Hairy and Scary, and so's Domo.
Well, we all thought that would be the end of the story, that the Domo kettle would be chucked into some box in an attic and only rediscovered as a valuable antique on Antiques Roadshow 2072.
How wrong we were. Manic's recently gotten a new job, and on his first week there, the Domo kettle inched its way into the staff kitchen. By the end of the day, the old kettle had been binned. Good work Domo-fella!
 Domo eyes up the competition, yesterday. |
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
I got one of my CDs in the post this morning! Wahey! I'd spent so long organising everything and making sure people were informed of delays etc that I'd completely forgotten that I was going to be getting some CDs myself!
Yay!
And boy, what a fantastic CD it is too! Marcia over at Dutch Bint really put some effort into this celebration of summer eclectica, and it shows too!
I've put a track listing in the summer burn forums:
So thanks to Marcia, absolutely brilliant! ta!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Ah, the hot weather - sun, sand and sangria.
But there's a monster lurking inbetween those 3 elements, one that raises its ugly head every time the weather gets nice.
Feet.
Ug. Listen, if you have manky feet - athlete's foot, broken nails, scabby hangy off bits etc, then don't for fuck's sake make the rest of us have to endure it to by wearing sandals, sport style or otherwise.
You're a manky bastard and you should leave immediately, lest you infect the rest of us with your gamminess.
In fact, there's but one place you should go - TTR2's mankiest foot competition - not for the squeamish or faint of heart.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
We're always on the cutting edge of fashion here at FJ towers. No, it's true. We just choose to wear the same t-shirts everyday because buying clothes means going into changing rooms and having to look at our pasty white flabby bodies in full length mirrors. Which, quite frankly, puts us off our pies.
But, being geeks, we've found a way around this dilemma, by getting stuff off the interweb, therefore cutting out the changing room hurl-a-thon. Current favourites are these great tees of Mexican wrestling Pandas and Golfers just about to be mown down by apache helicopters.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Business in the front... PARTY IN THE BACK!
No, it's not Wild's slogan for his special John Inman appreciation day tommorow, it's the Mullet Wigs rallying cry!
Make sure you get one in time for our big 'National Truck Driver Appreciation Week' celebrations that kick off next Monday! N.B. Foam fronted caps are also a requisite.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Ladies and gentlemen, to pay for all his broken watches, Joey Deacon has had to get a job. I can guarantee that this is an authentic business card, I scanned it (badly)* myself.
If you haven't got a clue, then your either too young, or you're not from around here.
*I always blame my tools
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
No really, they are. The beauty and power of Google draws them to the surface of our muddy pool so that we can see them in all their hideous glory whenever we link to things with words like 'how to make a bomb' in them and they realise that actually this site contains nothing about bombs and they leave uppity comments.
Losers.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Here's a game of 20 questions. The computer is suprisingly intelligent. It guessed that I was thinking about asparagus in 19 turns. Not bad, I thought.
OK, so let's test it to see how far it's knowledge goes. I wonder how much it knows about cold war era Russian style ekranoplans with canard mounted PAR engines!
Stupid fucking computer had never heard of them. "Is it heavier than a duck?". Dumb Shit.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
This probably isn't the best game in world, but it may be slightly better in two player mode. I have no mates, so I couldn't try it. Well, I could have, but which is sadder, playing the game against myself, or against the computer? I just don't know. Answers on a postcard.
There is one huge redeeming feature. Check out the work alert button, it's the best I EVER encountered in my capacity as FJFG sub-organiser. Well, it made ME laugh.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
We like air conditioning. Its twice prevented the wombat here at FJ HQ from going citical.
We therefore like the latest youngster on the weblog scene, AC Blog- the web's first Air Conditioning weblog.
Random Quote:"Much like hair conditioning which takes your brittle and abused hair and turns it into soft, luxurious locks with lots of natural bounce and shine, air conditioning takes the stagnant, disease filled air in your house and turns it into a fresh, pine-scented, refreshing breeze!
AIR CONDITIONING. IT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU SEE AIR. FOREVER."
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Hard day in the office? Or are you a slacker kid / student, sitting at a computer rather than enjoying the sun outside?
Either way, test your wits with this stress ball, it'll make sure you really DO get stressed!
Are those stars flying out of my balls? Strange.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
We know our readers love spies.
Oh, hang on, no, that should be pies.
Look at you! Bah, you're a mess man! You need to git yerself down spy school and complete a couple of missions for your Queen and Country - that'll sort you out.
Via OffOnATangent.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Ladies and Gentlemen, the FunJunkie Friday Games are now open!
To get you in practice for going out tommorow night*, here's a great head banging sim, that leaves you without a headache and sore neck. If you achieve a rating of less than 'great', nip out to the corner shop and get yourself a bottle of JD to slip into your tea throughout the morning. Because that will help.
*Of course, you'll be coming to the Magic Roundabout won't you? You can headbang there, but not to metal. We'll only be playing tracks with less than 35 BPM. We're all getting on you know, and we cannae take it cap'n!
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
It's new, it's now it's happening - it's Flash Mob!
You get a set of instructions, turn up at a venue (all good so far), and do a specified task, such as go to a sofa shop and speak without using the letter 'o'. Hang on, concept great. Execution WEAK.
Go to a sofa shop and talk to people on the phone without the letter 'o'? That's bollocks! The magic roundabout team have inadvertantly been making flash mobs of their own for months now, without not even knowing what they were! Last night we gave out 100 boxes of devil bangers and started a proper Flash mob in a pub garden. Which is better? Spontaneous 'fun snap' war in pub garden, or premeditated mobile phone blather in sofa shop?
Yeah, see you at the sofa shop.
UPDATE
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
Ok, you like butter. Buttercups have proved it by casting a yellow light on your chin and there isn't a single tub of vegetable spread in your fridge.
You like butter, everyone knows you like it. You really don't have to go to the lengths of creating a Butter Harley Davidson just to prove it.
Just have some toast, yeah?
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Well, my cereal exploration suffered its first disappointment this morning.
After yesterdays excellent Lion Bar Cereal, I really did expect more from Kellogg's X-Men II box.
You know, big name movie, millions of dollars sort of thing vs small chocolate bar spinoff.
It started off good, as the photo shows, the box is well presented in a spooky black with iridescent X motif. It entices you inside with promise of mutant powers.
Looking Good....
And close up...
The cereal itself looked good as well, circles with Xs in them, just like the logo.
And they tasted like....... Kellogg's Start. In fact they were Start, just in a different shape. No powers, no zing, nothing.
Disappointing.
C minus. Must try harder.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
|
It's crass, it's crude, it's a weak effort, but that's why it makes me laugh. Welcome to an after hours version of Dilbert.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
So you're in the park, right? and you're having a little summer walk. And you've got these little chicks following you, right? And they're not old enough to have learnt how to fly yet but they're a bit thick so they can't walk round things. And they're a bit delicate, being young and all.
However, they do have one special power - they can jump on command. Phew! It seems that only this amazing gift will save them from being grazed on the rocks.
Stay vigilant young crusader - you *can* guide the little ones safely, you *know* you can. I have the utmost faith in you.
Another in the "Yea, like THAT'D ever happen in real life" series of games from Orisinal - see if you can beat my score of 9070.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
There could be quite a few reasons why you've got the shakes, and can't keep your hands still. You may have been (and could still be, for I know), an incessant masterbator as a young child. You may be in desperate need for a cigarette. You might have Parkinsons. You could have your finger stuck in an electrical outlet.
If any of these are the case, then this game is not for you.
If it makes you feel any better, I have none of the aforementioned afflictions, but I still found it incredibly taxing.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Q: Who's the ugliest celeb in the world?
A: All of them, after you've twatted around with them!
What do you mean you haven't touched Sophie Ellis Bextors picture yet? Surely no one can look that freakish?
p.s. Don't touch the 'Lake.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
|
There's a new FJ desktop available, in memory of the mighty fridge Watch, which sadly passed away earlier this week. Amen.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Reg walks in, straightens his tie, pulls his lapels taught, sits down*
* Play it cool, they won't notice that I was in a ditch the last two days...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Poor Chris Bourne, Journalism Student.
All he's trying to do is get a job. Unfortunately he's going about it the wrong way. He's e-mailing every UK weblogger (including yours truly) claiming that he's representing publishing group Emap and asking some very strange questions. Here's a quick excerpt, but Meg's got the full scoop:"Give me a 150 word pitch for your site, describing the philosophy behind it, what you think makes it different, the readership you are targeting and why you think there is a need for your site." Two words Mr. Bourn - sod off.
Give you a pitch indeed. There is no need, no targeted readership or philosophy. If any finds one here, tell me instantly and I'll stamp it out as quickly as possible.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
|
I'm sorry, but true as it may be, this sort of thing just isn't cricket.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
I've talked at length before about how much the Japanese love their vending machines. Even Manic has a link today showing off some of the stranger ones.
But surely this is taking the obsession a little too far?
But where can I get one? And where can I get a lifesize Domukun costume from? And What's the capital of Lesotho? And why?
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Friends bullying another friend
Car Nerds sniffing the engine
3 dogs
A scary man in drag
and 2 men enjoying some hot bellydancing action.
What do these all have in common?
They're all finds from the Random Personal Picture Finder which creates a random number in the format that digital cameras create and then searches google images for it. Neat.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Continuing my modern day cereal exploration with Part II...
This week I have mostly been eating Lion Bar Cereal. Its really quite breathtaking. Tasting sort-of like a lion bar, it consists of light and dark kinda triangular pieces. Its very tasty and makes you spring into work! I even find myself going to bed early so that I can wake up quicker to have them.
 Lion Bar Cereal this morning - ROAR!
The 3rd part of Wild's Cereal Exploration continues tomorrow with Kellogs X-Men 2 cereal.
* I am not having a pre-mid life crisis. I am not. I am not.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
|
I'm not sure that this review of the Sony DCR TRV 33 camcorder is perhaps the pinnacle of hardware reviewing, but its certainly a better read than most.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Britain. Land of rain, fog and sleet.
Now, land of heat and sunshine and burning and trains that can't go more than 60mph.
Why? Apparently because the tracks are in danger of warping in the vicious temperatures (all of 35C) that Britain is currently experiencing.
So, right about now you're probably thinking, "Eh? But what about the tracks in places like India, Africa and Australia where its considerably hotter?"
Aha, Sky News is already on the ball with an explanation."Rail tracks have to be stressed to withstand temperatures within a range. Countries like Italy, Spain and France are more accustomed to extreme hot weather, so their rail lines are adjusted accordingly." All to do with the welding apparently. Of course it is.
I know a joke about welders.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Not content with building one of the biggest flops of all time, the Sinclair C5, British Hero Boffin Sir Clive Sinclair has decided to have another go, buoyed up by the apparent success of the Segway (which has recently gone on sale in the UK).
Imaginatively called the C6 (which Citroen might have a problem with) it will be much lighter than the Segway, and will come equipped with a specially trained Rhesus monkey that will make left and right hand signals to comply with UK road regulations.*
Sir Clive said** yesterday, "Imagine a world in which men wear only green pants. Now imagine a world without pink pants. It makes me sad."
* made up.
** no he didn't.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
There once was a boy who was neither good nor evil.
But Good and Evil had other plans and both fought for his soul.
But at the end of the day, the choice came down to a Funjunkie Reader who guided the boy through life and gave him his good or evil alignment.
Good bit of flash, that.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Its vital to keep your kittens safe. The future of the planet depends on it.
Should you find yourself in the quite possible* scenario of you being tied to the floor and your kitten drifting precariously hanging onto the string of a helium balloon that is drifting dangerously close to all those razor sharp anti-burglar devices that you fitted in DIY-crazed mania last Sunday and all you can do is use the remote controlled desktop fan to try and waft the balloon to safety - (takes a breath) - then you'll be glad that you trained for the occurence by playing the Cat Safety game - Neko Bulloon.
You can find more ways to endanger the life of your cat here.
Cheers UltimateInsult.
* I used to be an RSPCA officer and we saw these sorts of cases come into the surgery all the time.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Ah, mates eh? What would you do without the lads? The lads that you can reply on, the lads that'll drop everything for a pint, the lads that you can rely on to get you into trouble.
Problem is, what happens when they start being all nice? What exactly is up when they take you out for a stag do and nothing happens?
That's when you should start getting the fear....
Cheers Coolios.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
"Hi, my name's Tom, and I make noisy music."
Good old Squarepusher, only a man of his calibre can get away with having a gig on a battleship.
Thanks to Crazy Mr.F for pointing it out to the FJ team. I'd love to go, but I'm washing my hair that night. I may have got Mr.F to do a review of the gig for the music page, so long as he doesn't get smashed out of his face on gin and fall into the Thames.
He usually doesn't get out of bed for under £25,000 but I said if I gave him a link to pubfight, he'd do the honours with the roving reporter job.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
There's going to be blood on the dancefloor tonight! In the build up to the next FJ sponsored magic roundabout club night, there's a space hopper racing contest at Dysfunction tonight!
If you're in the area, make sure you come along and enter, as prizes include free tickets to Magic Roundabout on Saturday. It's going to be on way past my bedtime, so I might have to pass on the photo-story responsibilities to one of my minions, but rest assured, there will be a full report as soon as possible.
Boing! OUCH!
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
Right folks, this is your chance!
If you missed out on the signup phase for this year's Summer Burn then all is not lost!
One participant has had to withdraw from the project due to 'unforeseen circumstances' and so there is 1 slot free for someone to jump in and get 2 great summer CDs!
Please send an e-mail containing Name, Address and Country to summerburn@funjunkie.co.uk.
What are you waiting for? Get to it!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
....and the Great Albatrosses of the Western Seas gathered together in a tight ball of wing and beak, high up in the soaring atmosphere to discuss what should be done about their arch nemesis.
"We should tear him apart with out beaks!" cries one.
"Leave him for the sharks," cries another. "He'll make a tasty snack for the Great Whites."
"I agree, we must do something," cries the great leader. "Kermit the Frog has impeded on our plans for world domination for far too long! I shall send agents to bring our enemy back to us so that we may decide what grisly death he must suffer."
And so the Great Albatrosses of the Western Sea sent a swift and deadly agent, known for his ruthlessness and cunning, to abduct Kermit so that their evil plans would continue unabated.
Luckily, as an FJ roving reporter, I was there to capture the evidence of their terrible deed.
 Kermit gets abducted, yesterday. |
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
It's a well known fact that I'm not a big fan of slugs or snails. However, when I see one, I don't want to kill it. I just want to put as much space between myself and it.
OK, so I'm a wimp, but you're scared of spiders, so shut up*. This guy doesn't like slugs, but he's far more pro-active in his dislike. He's built a salt maze to see if slugs have any common sense. It's a bit like 'the wasp factory', but in seriously slow motion. It also makes gripping viewing, only bettered by Steve McQueen.
Yes I know he got caught.
*I'm not a big fan of THEM either
|
| (comment on this? [12]) |
|
|
Back in the dark ages, when Wild was called Boner, ahem, Bowner*, I covered a phenomena known as Kiss dolls.
Ah, the joys of dressing up girls in clothing you wouldn't nomally get (well, outside of Taz's dressing up box**). It seems that since July of last year, Kiss dolls have evolved and here's the evidence. Dress up the willing young filly as a French Maid, or in a full rubber sheath, or as I did, Daisy Duke***.
*That still cracks me up
**It's OK, he's on holiday, and he doesn't mind having the piss taken out of him when he doesn't know about it
***I am an internet nerd, it's true. I don't get out much
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop, Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop
I'm the Scatman!
It's work safe. Trust me.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Blimey! I'd almost forgotten that today was Friday - how the hell did that happen?
Well, it being Friday, you know what we have to do? Yup, we need Funjunkie Friday Games, and because I nearly forgot, we need a shedload of them.
What's this? Fun cereal brand in decent website/fun online games shocker?
Crikey. It must be Frosties - Earn Your Stripes.
P.S. I eat Frosties TurboZ in the morning. They have little chocolate flavoured lightning flashes that you can't help but be energised by. You're eating chocolate lightning for god's sake! Of course you're going to zing afterwards!
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
A fly fitted with a fully operational webserver?
Do the fools not know that it'll just be used for hosting insect porn
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
You sick puppy! Just because the boss is out wining and dining potential clients, it doesn't mean you can go and print whatever you want on the office printer!
Number 73? Go and take a cold shower!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
May I just apologise to Yorkshireman everywhere for the heinous mistake I made today.
This morning I made today to be International Soup Day, when it is, as Stevan points out, in fact Yorkshire Day.
With that in mind, let me just indulge in a few stereotypes:
"Eeeee lad, when I were little you wun't a' git 'weh wi' tha'."
"Whur' mi whippit woman? Bloody ferret's only gone un escaped."
"Noh. Yer can't 'ave tuppeny t' spund un chips."
"Ahm off fer pint dun boozeh. Mi tea better be readuh fer whun ah com back like."
There, I feel much better now.
Yorkshire folk need a day in the year to feel better about themselves since us Lancastrians wasted them at Bosworth.
Oooh. Controversial.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Just imagine the thrill of wearing a nametag for over 1003 days.
"Hi, my name is Wild!" it would say. And everyone would know my name and would know to cross to the other side of the street before the eejit with the nametag came along and started chatting to them about soup.
Imagine, if you will, the joy of wearing a nametag which pronounced you were someone other than you are.
"Hello, my name is James!" it might say. And everyone would think you're not that soup eating freak and they'd cross over to your side of the road and they wouldn't phone the police and chuck rotten fruit at you.
And then you'd surprise them by ripping off that tag and sticking your real one back on and saying "HA!".
I've said too much again haven't I?
Thanks to UltimateInsult and Bloggerheads - both of whom got there before us, again.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Today is International Soup Day.
The more eagle-eyed amongst you will cry out at this point "No it isn't. Surely its next March?"
Well, yes and no. Yes because you're probably correct and no because a) I hate people like you and b) I have decreed that today be International Soup Day.
And why should I do a thing like that? Well frankly its because I have two soups that were hanging around in the fridge waiting to go off today and so I have to eat both of them.
They look quite tasty though, New Convent Garden Moroccan Chicken and Thai Chicken Fusion. Hmm, both chicken, how annoying.
Stay tuned as I attempt the eatage of both soups during the course of today. I have St. John's Ambulance on standby and Norris McWhirter is here in case I break a record.
Hopefully his trip won't be wasted. No one could possibly have eaten more than 1 carton of soup in the history of mankind before? I'm bound to break it.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
DeathGob
