Send us news / links / sites
|
|
|
|
Hmm, how can we liven up a rather dull, but very useful, site over this festive period? Stick jacko-lanterns in the background. Wow. Search engines get 'funky'. I'm not sure it's a step forward.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
To make up for the lack of posts recently here's a big HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!
1) Take a trip into the Devil's tramping ground. MMWahaha! Spooky.
2) Ever wondered why witches don't fly on hoovers instead of broomsticks? (No, I hadn't either). Plain wierd.
3) Just a quick evil one...
4) Why are all American horror stories set in a corn field?
5) And finally, this one's a real horror story, today is National Nits Day!
Sleep well... and remember, banging your torch doesn't make it come back on again!
|
| (comment on this? [10]) |
|
|
|
FJ fave, Jimbus, has been busy. Three new pages of photos available for your perusal.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Someone please restore my faith in humanity and tell me this is a wind up....
"This website is the home of the organization protesting against the second installment of the J.R.R. Tolkien Lord Of The Rings movie being named "The Two Towers"
What they all need is a breath-taking backhand slap across the face and told to stop being such TWATS!!
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
|
Got my new computer, and everything has changed! The internet is in COLOUR and everything! There are rounded buttons and stuff. I'm going to be bumping into corners now in 'real life' because I'm expecting round corners... help! Anyone else suffered from XP-itis?
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
|
May not be to everyones tastes but this is quite simply the funniest thing I have seen in long time. It works on so many levels.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
* "Its too Orangey for Crows... Its just for me and my Dog."
» "I'll be your dog... ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ..."
and so on...
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
As well as having (now quite a few) google searchers visiting us via a search for Taz Wallpapers, a fact that Funjunkie's very own Taz pointed out below, we've also received a number of searches for Taz Condoms.
Taz never told us he had started his own brand of prophylactics. Perhaps we should all tile this image on our desktops.
No one tell Taz I did this, he might start a photoshop war or something. Tell him Reg did it.
|
| (comment on this? [21]) |
|
|
OK, I must admit. I've got a new computer coming (hooray!), so I'm cleaning my mail box out. As you can see from the previous post, I get some odd stuff sent to me via my secret underground network.
How this ever slipped through the net, I'll never know. Surely the best page on the whole of the Information super lay-by. Definitely not work safe. Unless your boss is out. On his canal boat.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
What I really need is an extensive range of brass finger pulls in the shape of dogs heads. I wonder if I can find anything on the internet?
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Today's Game is BasketBall.
Have a go and give the Harlem Globe Trotters a run for their money.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The BBC's coming up with some natty little games at the moment, and Pyramid Builder is one of them. Your challenge, build a Pyramid for your Pharoah using the right materials, minions, positions, mathematics, welfare policy etc.
Its a little more challenging than it at first sounds, or perhaps thats just me having the mental capacity of a 5 year old.
|
| (comment on this? [12]) |
|
|
|
I've changed my mind. Here's a post for you... it's a trailer for f**k force 5. By the name, you can guess it's pretty unsafe for work. And no, it's not FORK force.
|
| (comment on this? [9]) |
|
|
|
No posts from me today, I'm too hooked on the lycos quiz!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Some poor bugger ended up visiting Funjunkie when searching for taz wallpapers on Google. So just for you, here's a picture which I suggest you stick on your desktop as tiled »
Fly my pretties, fly!
|
| (comment on this? [10]) |
|
|
In what could surely be a scene out of some comedy sketch, the British Army is reporting that one of its inflatable tanks is missing after this weekend's severe gales.
Ah, how cool would it be to find a massive inflatable tank, repair it and then put it in the back garden? Probably wouldn't be long before the grunts found you though by using satellite recon and then you'd have a crack SAS team in your garden, trampling your petunias to retrieve said mobile artillery, again.
Kinda brings me to my second godawful and illegally bad joke of the day:Q. How do you blow up a tank?
A. With your lips Thank you, thank you. Audio cassette recordings of my comedy tour of the UK are available in the foyer at a very reasonable £9.99.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
Bad irrelevant joke alert:A Scottish bloke walks into his local curryhouse and asks for a carry out.
"I am sorry sir," says the indian waiter, "We sell Curry Chicken, Curry Lamb, but we do not sell Curry Oot!" Sorry about that. I'll try not to do anymore of those.
Anyway, completely unrelated but much much more fun, here's the Playboy Breast Test. Can you distinguish between the real and the implants?
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Congratulations for the day go out to Team Bath, Bath University's student football (soccer) team, the first student team in over 122 years to have reached the first round of the FA Cup.
Can they go as far in the tournament as Oxford University who in won the Final in 1874 and were runners up in 1880?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Classic. The questions that kids ask about sex and relationships.
Go to the search function and select a whole year of results for more confused fun...
My boyfriend has offered me a pearl necklace. I have a feeling that this is not what I think it might be...
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Somehow this Sceptered Isle of ours that we call the United Kingdom never quite gets things right. The only time you'll ever see anyone playing DDR will be in seedy broken down arcades, where it'll be two girls maxing up their moves so that later on they can wow the other girls and get stacks of flumps and liquorice string bought for them at the local youth club disco.
No, other countries do it properly. Unlike the reserved Brit - American, Japanese and other nations' men, women and children gather round the podium like the claphappy loons they are and proceed to have a good time without getting drunk and smashing someone over the head with a bottle. They even have competitions to show off their mad skillz. Check out these videos of true DDR addicts competing to become the ultimate DDR Champ.
Hmm, perhaps getting bottled in the face isn't all that bad.
Cheers UltimateInsult
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Ever wanted to sample the audio delights of Kylie's farts? Well you can't you strange perve! But at least there's a somewhat amusing piss-take from Uncle Duff.
Wierder than that is the CD of fart sounds from Pull My Finger. Not to be confused with Funjunkie's favourite waste of time, The Pull My Finger page.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Fancy humiliating your workmates and friends by obliterating them in a head to head quiz? Of course you do!
Then you'll be needing something a little bit like the Lycos Quiz Show.
If you ever played their also excellent Fight Club then you'll be up to speed, but if not, you propose a round against a friend, answer your questions, and then your friend is invited by e-mail to do the same. Excellent and addictive stuff, especially if you know a handy idiot
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
|
Don't be a hero - just Hold the Button.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
There's a Freak Show in My Pocket and you're all invited.
As wierd and glorious as an episode of The League of Gentlemen.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
The Register is running a piece on a gamer who's insured his fingers for £375,000. Alex Nikitin is participating in the upcoming Cyber Games in Korea and apparently needs to protect his assets.
But Alex isn't the first to insure strange things. Ken Dodd insured his teeth for a cool £4 million and you can even purchase alien-abduction insurance if you're afraid you might not make it back home tonight without losing a few hours on the way.
You can even take insurance against being kidnapped and held to ransom, which, when you have a face as handsome as mine is a very real possibility.
I'd like to see the resulting claims though.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Bollocks to leaves! I dropped 50p by the cash machines outside Morrisons earlier, but I couldn't find it because there were too many leaves knocking around. If anyone finds 50p, it's mine. Send it back to me.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
This guy likes taking photos of himself. Which, OK, is fine - but this guy is just a little obsessed. He has taken a photograph of himself in exactly the same pose for 4 years in a row. I bet one day he'll forget, and then he'll top himself. Ha!
Lucky I didn't come up with this idea. You'd soon get the jist that I only own two t-shirts and one jumper. There's only a certain amount of combinations that that can resolve in. And you could tell how many days it took for me to have a shave. And you could count the decades in the amount of haircuts I had.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
|
Forget Star Wars Lego. On the top of MY christmas list is a baby AT-AT!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The lost world of Old Martial Arts. Practitioners of new martial arts, that of Jet Li, Jackie Chan etc. are often incapacitated when they reach their advanced years.
Practitioners of Neijia - the Internal Family, often continue with unsurpassed ability well into old age...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Sunday's game of the day is Mahjongg. I've been working solid all weekend until 2pm today, when I went out for lunch at Stereo... now feeling bevvied up and fat as fuck. How does anyone expect me to work under these conditions???
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
The end of the week is about 15 minutes away, and what better way to end the week than by laughing your head off.
Maybe it is just me, but well this site is very funny.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
A Community Service announcement:
"Blogger has been hacked. Many many people are affected.
Change your server password immediately - it may have been compromised.
Your passwords have been changed so you can't access your account.
Your URL has been changed so you can't publish.
if you gain access there's no way to change your settings back because the database has collapsed." For those of you confused by this, many people in the weblogging world use software called Blogger. Its been hacked.
Go see PlasticBag for an example.
More information on this is available at Anil Dash.
|
| (comment on this? [8]) |
|
|
|
This isn't keeping in with the aquatic theme, but it IS a bit like the Nascar Racing from yesterday. But better. And in 3D. Start your engines please!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
- No, what?
> Search me!
- I'd rather not, thanks.
> Suit yourself then...
- Don't wear 'em
> Shut up dashie
- okay
> Later.
- Later.
|
| (comment on this? [18]) |
|
|
Mo Morgan has the answer to the Mastodonte problem (mentioned below).
Well, technically its not an answer, its a childish poke in the shins, but I think we can take a lot of wisdom from children.
Go forth and annoy...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Trying to keep with the aquatic theme motioned by Wild, I throw in the effort of Monster Sumo. "Surely that's not aquatic" you say, but, ah ha! It's a 'monsters sitting in inflatable rings in a swimming pool' style sumo. This one's a bit easier to see what's going on too. My screen is very dark, so the deep sea diving was a bit murky. This isn't.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
It seems to me that Friday is coming around every 3 or 4 days at the moment beacuse it feels like only a few days ago that we posted the last load of competitors for the title of The Funjunkie Friday Game, something thats dangerously threatening to qualify for its very own link in the menu bar....
Anyway, I guess any week flying by is a good thing, and to celebrate, here's my entry for this week. Its a Ferry Halim classic - relaxing to the bone and immensely addictive.
Here's The Bottom Of The Sea - try to get your diver to the bottom of the sea by jumping down from rock to rock.
|
| (comment on this? [14]) |
|
|
Whilst we're dealing with Macs, stoned beep beep beep lady Ellen Feiss, who we love oh soooo much is now the face that launched a thousand lookee-likees.
Well, 28 of them anyway.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Some people just love Apple Macs too much, so much in fact that they'll even join the illegal underground Mac exploitation industry.
Won't someone save these innocents from a life of sex torture and cruelty?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Just went to the front door to take a delivery, and while the courier handed me some parcels he stabbed me with his biro! Not only did he stick me in the ribs, but he drew a line on one of my favourite t-shirts. I need danger money for this!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Thanks to Eagle-eyed FJ reader Glen, who points out that for a brief period last night, FJ was the sole result (termed a googlewhack, I do believe) for the search term: "Absolutely Essential Pornography".
Unfortunately it seems this was probably just a symptom of the Everflux as google usually starts its fluttering updates round about this time of month.
Still, for one brief moment there it was, and whilst its not as prestigious as the classic search dolphins having sex while eating uk blog writers, I'm happy that Glen found us whilst searching for his truly must-have porno. Its a beautiful moment. *sniff*
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Lots of weblogs, just like this humble old tin-pot one we've got going here, have referral sections to enable readers and owners alike to see just how readers got to that particular site.
Finally, someone's (mastodonte.com) cottoned on to the idea of making a quick buck out of it. I don't blame them really, its not a bad idea, broadcasting fake referrals so that readers of referral lists click on their client's links. In effect, its placing free adverts onto other people's sites without having to ask for permission.
I don't blame them, but that doesn't mean I like it one bit. In fact it fucking well annoys the bejesus out of me.
Luckily, FJ is all custom coded by moi so that means I can block them before they show up. I've put more info in the comments.
This is what I've now done, so hopefully you shouldn't see any more of that off-topic ad crap to the left. Just links from sites abusing this one, as nature intended.
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
WAHEY!
WeComeInPeace has 5 new episodes.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
A strangely compelling Daytona game.
Hmm, you say. Isn't Daytona a really dull American Motorsport? Well, yes. But this is spiced up with Nu-Metallers, Space Shuttles and eggs! Cor!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
GRAAAAAAAGH!
|
| (comment on this? [8]) |
|
|
Ah Doom, the game that spawned an entire genre (well, not technically, it was prob Wolfenstein).
Its time to revisit those good old chainsaw-flesh-tearing-snarling days with this little interactive animated adventure version of Doom. Nearly good enough to make me dig out the venerable dusty old CD of the original and re-install it, but not quite (I'm currently having too much fun with Unreal Tournament 2003).
Whilst I'm at it, here's a nifty 5k online version of Wolfenstein as well....
|
| (comment on this? [11]) |
|
|
I know there are some people out there with pale clammy skin, sat in the warm glow of their monitors furiously masturbating themselves unconscious at the thought of putting small furry rodents into their rectums...(just look at the little fella on the right... it WANTS it...dirty little bitch that it is. yeah... you know it.) Some of you may have even done it.... I know Wild squeaks more often than any normal man should. Anyway, I digress.
Have you got a problem?
Can no one else help?
WHO YA GONNA CALL?
(altogether now........)
The nice chaps at Gerbil & Rodent Extraction Specialists
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Decided to take a detour via one of our referrers Mercury Vapour, and found this little gem of a Electronic Simon game. Quite reminiscent of the Old Bloke's games from yesterday, although you don't automatically win this time...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
You might be forgiven for thinking that this is about a new race of cybernetic killing machines bred in secret underground laboratories to combat terrorism.... no you would be wrong... it's about tits....
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Oh dear. Has someone been watching "Swordfish" too many times or what?
They're claiming that the US military is behind the sniper attacks in the US so that it'll cause a "helpful wave of national indignation". Sigh.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
The countdown to the weekend starts here. No, literally. It's a clock. It is a nice one. Thanks to Lottie for that.
However, I prefer the Human Clock. Not quite as accurate (it only shows minutes, not seconds), but it's more visually appealing. I mean, come on, people dressed as aliens, holding a bit of cardboard with the time on it. That Rock 'n' Roll, surely?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Bored to fucking tears with the sweet-bubblegum world of pre-teen pop utopia? If you aren't then Fuck off back there. Please.
If you are.... meet rockbitch, very pleasant young ladies, if a little excitable...
"When a woman can't even strip to the waist and play a bitching, head-down guitar riff, have her lead singer fuck her with a strap-on whilst a stage surfer licks her feet without authorities wanting to ban over 18's from coming to see it -- well, what has the world of rock and rebellion come to!?"
While you're there meet the ex-virgin who met the band...
Don't think I need to tell you it's not paticularly work safe.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Danger! Watching kids films can cause serious regression.
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
So we've established that it's pretty unlikely that you're going to be a millionaire (see 'Will you be a Millionaire?'), but how will you fair in the world of Old Blokes Games?
I fitted in nicely.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Wow, first hail storm of the season! Hmm, and now it's sunny. I was thinking about letting off some fireworks tonight, but it looks as though I may get wet.
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
Well, you'll never become a millionaire reading this site, but you're cooler for it!
Find out how slim a chance you have of raking in the dosh by completing the Millionaire Quiz!
I have a low likelihood, but then thats probably because my ultimate ambition in life is to become a park ranger and rescue fallen deer from cliffs, or something.
Perhaps I could start some sort of dodgy Nigerian e-mail scam and then get out early.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Ghastly messages written in blood! Very scary. Remember, it's nearly halloween!
Here's one I sent to Wild, but this one is far more funny...
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
I'm not too bright in the morning. Some say I'm just plain not too bright at any time of the day...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
I only wanted to link to this stupid news story so that I could create the image to go with it. Shameless!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Bit of a Blue Aeroplanes title there for the nice Bristonians out there
Strange things happening in Newcastle today.
Take, for instance, the account of the small disappearing/reappearing cat. This morning, whilst painting eggshells in the kitchen and waiting for the kettle to boil, I spotted what appeared to be a cat in the back yard. Now this of course may not seem so strange, but for the fact that the cat doesn't actually exist. Nor do the egg shells for that matter, but I put them in the story for effect.
The cat walked around a bit and then promptly disappeared from sight. I knew this had happened because I could no longer see the cat. Staggering really. Later that same morning, after my first cup of coffee but before the first of the eggshells had dried, I saw the cat again!!! This is truly bizarre, no?
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
And to think they said he'd never amount to anything. How can they say that of a man who has smuggled items between China and Hong Kong? Of a man that abducted his former headmaster? Of a man who wrote an award-winning reggae song about furniture?
Clearly they were wrong. Mike is a triumph.
Cheers Bloggerheads
|
| (comment on this? [8]) |
|
|
One of the only sports that I like and actually do occassionally (yep, I am too lardy), has just become available online. This Table Tennis game is great, but I prefer it on holiday, when you have to play with pink beach bats and use a picnic table - with video cases as a net (there are some people who know what I am talking about).
p.s. I only got one point in my first game.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Ahh, weddings. Time to let down you hair, do some dancing, smoke some some cigars, and inflate your tongue.
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
Hooray for the judge who had to watch porn for a case, and respect for awarding the star over 300,000 pounds for the pleasure.
Boo for the porn store owner who shut up shop because Jesus told him to. Jesus... such a fucking killjoy!
Strangely enough (but not interestingly), both stories are connected not only by the adult content, but also by the car crash element.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Weak Eastenders Lookalikes! Genius! It goes to prove that 'Sharon' is actually a man in drag. Look out for the best entry, which has got to be 'Georgina's Budgie as a lookalike of Joey'.
Begrudging thanks to Simms (now, make the tea).
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Hey kids, don't forget to send Mr.Dogbomb a birthday card this year. There are prizes up for grabs - jelly, ice cream etc. Details are listed, so don't delay!
Also, word on the street is that there are big things going on at my favourite 'pissed photograph' site. More details very shortly...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Just looking at some of the search terms used by various people who have ended up here today. Here's a list:
- Fucked up Wallpaper (in all fairness, you're likely to find what you were looking for)
- WILMA FLINTSTONE (in glamorous capital letters)
- electrotank minigolf walkthrough (because the game is that fucking difficult?)
- bumfights wallpaper (scary biscuits)
- animated cartoon duck and frog singing (which is my personal favourite)
UPDATE by Wild: I'd just like to point out that the most fucked up search term used yesterday was: dolphins having sex while eating uk blog writers. My brain hurts even thinking about what this person was looking for. Here's hoping they found it here!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
It comes to something when you go to a real Ice Hockey match and start trying to press 'X' to lamp the bastard who just intercepted your team's pass!
Come on Vipers, get it together...
|
| (comment on this? [7]) |
|
|
Slow news day for me today I'm afraid. Went to an old friend's (the bassist from No Sheep in Mongolia) wedding in Woburn at the weekend and kinda managed to get destroyed by being plied with millions of white russians and double brandies and drambuies ad nauseam. Didn't have a hangover the next day but I have now.
Funjunkie's own El Reggio was also there, stealing my camera when my back was turned and taking photos of his crotch.
Oddest moment of the night came at 10pm, when the hosts served up a full english breakfast consisting of bacon, eggs, toast, and bizarrely, samosas. Strange for that time of night, but did the guests fall upon it like a pack of shrieking harpies or what?
Oh, and to the 90 year old wizened old man who strangely told me he'd kick my head in if he saw me drinking bottled beer, you'll have to catch me first old timer! Mind you, Stephen Hawking probably could the way I feel today.
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
Those crazy fools at the Vooz Club have come up trumps again. Their War Pigs version of Saving Private Ryan should get Steven Spielberg quaking in his boots. Oh, the horror!
Getting bombs stuck up your nose - that's GOTTA hurt.
This takes a while to load, even on a fast connection, so fire it up, than put the kettle on.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Sites for 'designers' are usually pretty dull. Most of the time, they are trying so hard to impress you visually that they forget to put in any content. Thankfully, there's one site that allows a contributor to go out every month and take pictures of his favourite 'Tokyo Cutie Girls'.
The same scheme wouldn't work for me. It would be more like 'Wellingborough Hideous Freaks'. The lens would melt.
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
|
Click on the thumbnails for real, uncensored, hard-core, simulated, sock-cooking action! Enough said!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
G. I. R. B. ??? Whatever could that stand for? Hmmm.
George Is Really Brill?
Nah.
Gay Internal Rectal Bone?
WRONG!
Girls In Rubber Boots! (safe for work)
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Google search phrase of the day must be Danish Cutlery Association UK.
Question is, why the hell does Funjunkie come up for this?
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
|
It's Friday (wait for the cheers to subside). That means I went down the boozer and had fish and chips and a pint of bitter. That means I've been to the crapper a few times this afternoon. That means you have to pull my finger.
|
| (comment on this? [33]) |
|
|
My nomination for the Friday Game is some old-skool John Major back to basics type stuff.
A-Blast is your bog-standard vertical shoot-em-up. Mindless arcade stylee action. Can't beat it.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
How's this for a bit of Friday-Afternoon-Web-Developer-Wants-To-Go-To-Pub-But-Has-To-Make-A-Boring-Corporate-Website class?
Go to Barry Allsuch and hover your mouse over the picture of the bloke on the page, this might not be there for long, but just in case they take it down, I've taken a screenie:
 Click to Enlarge |
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
Taz's nomination for this week's Friday afternoon crap game of the day is Toboggan Jump 2002.
Note: I'm blatantly not trying to get the little buggers through alive... its much more fun to create some life threatening crashes.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
What's that? You are a complete Joey? You're best mates with Michael Barrymore? You Spazmo!
Dedicated to Kaiser
UPDATE Wild has just admitted to not knowing who Joey Deacon is. Would everyone please mail him and tell him. Preferrably AT LENGTH.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
It's time you had a new poster in your office/home/college. For it's daftness, I recommend you have this one of Sylvester Boy.
Thanks to my 'new best buddy who I have never actually met' Slow Loris for pointing me in the right direction.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Good work to Lottie for spotting this important news story and finding a poo calculator (which if you are a regular reader, is a bit like the piss calculator we had previously).
(well, when I say a bit, I mean a lot)
(a lot - as in exactly the fucking same)
Update Actually, it is the same poo calculator. Sorry, I myself am the spaz. I rededicate the above link (Spazmo) to ME!
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Oooh, you are an evil lot. A quick glance down the referers bar down on the left shows that a lot of you are finding us by searching for David Seaman Joke after his general crapness at preventing the ball entering the net last Wednesday (and during the World Cup).
The original David Seaman joke used to be"Q. Who can lob seaman from 50 yards?
A. Nayim." After Nayim scored by lobbing a ball over David Seaman's head. Unfortunately, these days its looking like all of us are potential pornstars in the making, because its looking more like:"Q. Who can lob seaman from 50 yards?
A. Anyone."
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Kaiser seems to have the eye of the prophet (no, that's not a homosexual euphamism). Only yesterday did he scream 'get out of wellingborough' in one of his comments, a lo and behold, web developer Richard quits minutes afterwards! So here's a couple of links in respects to bosses. How to complain about your boss, and bosses taking the piss. Feel better now?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Pirates still exist! Peg leg Pete and Long John Silver are sitting directly infront of my window on the step outside the office drinking Tesco economy bitter. At this time in the morning? Disgrace! They should be on the gin by now!
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Essential survival equipment that no high-rise worker should be without post 9-11.
In fact, companies should buy these for every employee in those buildings as standard."High Rise Kit for 1 Adult:
1 Escape Parachute: Executive-Chute
1 Escape Hood: Exitair Bio
1 Full body suit: Tyvek F
1 Package of IOSAT Potassium Iodide
1 pair of Nitrile Gloves + Booties
1 Flash Light 2 AA Holster Pack
Duct Tape
Our price: $945.00"
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Infinite Wheel is a groovy dub mixing kind of flashy wotsit, with weird animated groovy dub mixing kind of flashy wotsits.
Thanks Kat
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
I don't know about you, but this machine sure seems very sinister to me. Something about those big rubber fingers makes me shudder.
Please don't let it fall into the hands of space aliens or evil baddies, the consequences could be severe. It would force me to have to save the world, again, and frankly I'm tired of the responsibility.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
|
Nearly seasonally correct, I'll introduce you to a very lonely boy. This poor fellow had a troubled childhood, and now he's a computer geek who has decided to tell the whole world about it! Welcome to Traumatic Halloweens.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The people I work with come out with some STUPID comments...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
I've got a degree in Computing Science, I've been programming for 8 years and generally I'm a technically minded gadgie...
But can I program the fucking video recorder? Can I bollocks!
So last night, after watching England play crap (again), I decided to cheer myself up by going home to watch the TV programme I'd taped. So what do I get instead of Victorian lesbians in corsets? 1 hour of static!!!
Arse
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Thanks to Meg over at NotSoSoft for discovering it - the new BBC Three logo is soooo dire that its untrue.
I bet that took all of 30 seconds to knock up in illustrator. Here's what a BBC controller said about the new branding:"Hopefully viewers are starting to get a sense that BBC THREE is going to inhabit a completely separate space in the multi channel world – one which is about being multi-culturally British, about nurturing new talent and about encouraging and guiding creative risk." Yea. right. It looks like a strapline from a 50's B-movie: "BBC Terror!"
Bag of shite.
I've made my own version (in about as much time as it took them).
 click to enlarge |
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
|
WHAAAT? Wales WIN, and England DRAW? Sod this, I'm off to become a Garage MC!
|
| (comment on this? [15]) |
|
|
Via Dutch Bint comes the Telemarketer's Counterscript - a script that'll shine sunlight on telemarketers' slimy flaccid skin and send them running for their dank holes screaming "Myyy Preciousss! Myyy Precioussss!"
Make sure you download and print off the PDF version and keep a few copies next to your telephone. They must be stopped.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
An excellent, excellent tool for stag nights, hen nights, or just the occasional 14 pints, Beer in the Evening is an online beer crawl generator where you type in a word and it'll create a pub crawl consisting of a pub for every letter of that word.
Here's one I went on this lunchtime: A-L-C-O-H-O-L-I-C
Its a bit londoncentric, but you can add pubs for your own area and help provide the pub crawl service for friends in your town.
Thanks to Ed Bailey for the link.
UPDATE by Wild I've been informed of a crawl for the hardcore drinkers only.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Six fucking Grand for a Segway??? You've got to be kidding me!
Damn! There goes my plan for being the Segway Ultimate Freestyle Champion of the world. I'll just have to get into the X Games some other way...
Hmm... extreme soapbox derby racing?
|
| (comment on this? [8]) |
|
|
An early warm-up to the weekend, but hey you need congratulating, you've got THIS far through the week already! Welcome to the world of Beer-ercise.
We have come up with the beer drinker's beginner workout. All you need is some space, beer cases (empty and full) and yourself. The best part about this workout is that it requires that other love -- beer -- to look and feel better.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Many thanks to our correspondant in Fukuoka, Japan for sending me a parcel full of great stuff! Karen you are a star. Included in the parcel was a poster for a film by my best mate 'Beat' Takeshi. Here's a synopsis for one of his earlier films, 'Getting Any?' (yes, about 'getting a shag'.) Definitely worth a read...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
A while ago we covered Meet-an-Inmate - the service that enables you to meet up with an incarcerated honey, and for them to become rehabilitated back into society.
Lithuania also has a bevvy of beautiful burglars locked up inside their prisons and it wants to show them off. The Miss Captivity award will be awarded to the most beautiful inmate at the Panevezys prison sometime next month (assuming it hasn't been stolen by then).
This is the brainchild of one TV producer, Arunas Valinskas, a man who's not shy of controversy. Once he thought it would funny to report a phony bomb threat at a wedding in which he was best man. Then, after being fined $3,750, he tried paying with pennies. Why, that japester!
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
Apparently sites such as Friends Reunited are being blamed for ruining relationships as people get in touch with their former beaus and run off to shag them 'for old times sake'.
What a bag of shit. Its giving infidelity an excuse.
Do you think perhaps the cheaters themselves could be blamed for not having any will? Or perhaps the relationship itself for not being strong or attractive enough so that partners have to go out looking for other shags in the first place?
I'm standing up for Friends Reunited here. It was one of the most useful things to come out of the internet in the last few years and Relate should be applauding it for stopping our increasingly atomised social circles from fragmenting any more and for strengthening the bonds between those we grew up with, preventing the feelings of isolation that seem to pervade modern life.
|
| (comment on this? [15]) |
|
|
|
Ooops. Looks like the FJ works night out got a bit out of hand...
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
|
Woo! Wallace and Gromit playing footie on the BBC site. Looks like the BBC have got hold of 10 new short films from Aardman. Canny!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Oh, to be a camera man on Space Mountain. Hot day? Girls with loose clothing? That's a recipe for unintentional flashing if I've ever seen one!
N.B. May not be suitable if you have an uptight boss. Or one who would 'do' all the girls in the Corrs.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
To remind you that autumn days can be nice and crisp, rather than very dreary (I've officially stepped up a gear into winter coat mode), I've made you a crisp autumn day desktop!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
You're Jumpie, the climbing nutcase, trying to find your beloved vacuum cleaner! Jump your way through the thrilling 3D worlds and collect all the nice stuff. OK then!.
(This is actually more thrilling than it sounds - it's not a 'let's turn tidying up into a game' style Mary Poppins crap).
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Craig, our big northern salesman, sells video projectors. They are highly desirable objects, but on my meagre wages, I'll not be able to afford one this week. Thankfully, he sent me this link which details how to make your own video projector. I'm off down Wilko's to buy half a dozen 60 watt lightbulbs. Now, I wonder if I can hook it up to my Gameboy...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Via another of my favs, ExWebJunkie, I've discovered the hilarity that is I Used To Believe: things that adults used to believe were true when they were kids. There's some seriously funny stuff there. Quote:"I was once told that the universe was infinite. When I asked for an explanation I was told that if I just kept thinking about it my head would explode. I took it seriously and during science lessons would sometimes burst into tears at being forced to contemplate space." When I was a kid, whenever my mum asked if my little brother and I would like to go to the local McDonalds, I would ask if Ronald McDonald was going to be there. I was convinced he was evil and would kidnap and eat me. Its only recently that McDonalds have finally dropped him from their marketing. I guess its finally safe for me to go there now.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Its going round on e-mail at the moment, but its so great I thought I'd republish it here: some classic insults and comebacks...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [4]) |
|
|
Brrrrr.... this year's Ice Age is falling rapidly onto sleepy little England with great vengeance and furious anger those that attempt to destroy my brothers. Its hard to get out of bed cos its getting all dark and with true comedy timing, its exactly the time of year when I decide to take up photography with me dad's old Yashica 35mm when I've had all summer long, with its gorgeous weather and bright colours to do so.
I'm just going to have to cheer myself up with a quick game of curling, sport of tedium when shown on TV, but this is a fun little diversion.
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
Not much happening here at FJ today. We all are a bit busy, but hopefully my new best friend Marshimaro will help us get through this cold autumn day.
Mashimaro feels neglected because it is different from other rabbits. Due to this, Mashimaro has become a bit twisted from the rest of the society and chooses to act in strange ways.
It's hard to choose a favorite episode, they all are winners, but try out 'Moon' if you can't decide yourself. Enjoy!
|
| (comment on this? [1]) |
|
|
|
Heh. Cadbury Animal biscuits are buy one get one free at the moment. Bloke opposite had two packs. He said if I pulled out a monkey as the first biscuit, I could have the whole pack. The biscuits are on me!
|
| (comment on this? [5]) |
|
|
The finest News headline of the morning comes from Silicon.com.
"Branson pulls Virgin from Singapore"
Good Lad! 52 years old and he's still got it.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
What a weak effort the friday game is this week! It's based on BBC Radio 6, and like the station, it's quite crap. Have a go anyway, just to round off the working week. Or just piss off early and go down the boozer. Unless you are Wild, and have to work all weekend. Poor Sod.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Consoles eh? What would drunk blokes do without them? But are they any good? Here's Seven reasons why the Xbox sucks. I quite agree (apart from Halo which is fun).
But wait, what's this? A wee pop at Mario and pals?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Here's the Friday Afternoon site of the week (according to Taz)... Donnie Darko. Pay attention...
Its a film which is due for release soon, if you were wondering
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Mr Saveloy, how about taking an approved BMW owners course in driving?
Thanks to Kaiser B for that one. All those years when you worked for him unpaid will come back to haunt him soon!
p.s. James, here's the full story...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
|
HalfBaked comes up trumps again with a great idea for traffic calming. I give you Custard Filled Speed Bumps. The worrying thing is that I think this could be a viable solution.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Look, if you are going to try and be menacing in your salesman's car, with a personalised number plate, get your facts right first! Oh, Tyrone, how wrong you've got it. You don't rule the road at all dear man! The bus lane that you shouted at my girlfriend about is in fact only a bus lane between the hours of 7.30am and 9.30 am. At all other times it's a normal lane.
Look, even your clubbers don't like you...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
Books are having a bit of an upsurge in popularity at the moment. Course I read them before they became famous.
Baldie headed, weblog writing, Moby has started a bookclub on his current tour, where fans bring books to his shows, place them in a box and pick out one left by someone else.
Another similar idea but without the aid of our friends in the music world is Bookcrossing - where you register a book, get a book ID and sticker to place inside it and then leave it somewhere. The next person picks it up visits the site and sees the trail the book has travelled from owner to owner. I like.
Finally, not really book related but has the word book in it: Bookworm is a cool word game currently sweeping the net. Try and make rude words!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Like most gadgies, I'm a shit dancer... I haven't a clue what to do. What makes it worse is that unless I'm blind drunk (which is pretty much a given), I feel obsessively self conscious about dancing, which in turn makes the whole thing worse... The vicious circle goes round and round until paralysis takes over and...
I digress.
So anyway, here's a much needed course on How to dance properly, which is not too different to ShakeYourTicTacs... but that seems to have dissappeared, so who cares? Thanks kat
|
| (comment on this? [3]) |
|
|
So kinky fruit is tacky is it? Well what about this?
It makes you wonder why some people bother to breathe doesn't it...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Pure, hot, steamy, naked, doirty, filthy hardcore banana action. Phwoar.
Whereas this is just plain tacky.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Still hungover, but slowly recovering after gallons of magic tea and a hotdog at Costco. The bonus of it is that I came back from Aladin's Cave with a 3lb bag of Chupa Chups.
Any comments about sucking my lollipops will be ignored
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Heh, last month we carried the story that Manic over at Bloggerheads was holding Tony Blair's e-mails up for ransom. It now appears that the British Government has been forced to take notice and are actually doing something about it whilst Manic holds a 24 hour amnesty against deleting any further ones. Another triumph for the very excellent Can Weblogs...? project.
Meanwhile, its not only Manic who's been getting e-mails for important people. Will.Not kept getting e-mails to his fake Prince William address, all of which he gloriously publishes for your delight.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
My, there's some real hot sausage and hot chick action going on over at Wiener Girls!
They practice yoga, play sega, help out at animal hospitals, all in the name of sausage swallowing. Those minxes.
|
| (comment on this? [6]) |
|
|
Hey look, at the bottom of each post is a linky for you twats to leave comments or abuse etc.
Its a home-rolled comments thing (like the rest of the site) so if you're an experienced weblog commenter then you may find this slightly different. You can add links, bulletpoints and basic formatting to your comments by using this wierd pseudocode I devised.
If it turns out that its shit then I'll kill it but go ahead and give it a whirl, at least it takes the hassle out of you lot having to mail us with news and links etc...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Wild's new flatmate could have been the bastard that spiked my drinks last night. Sure, I knew I was buying alcoholic beverages... but there was no government warning on the glass stating:
Drinking beer may seriously damage your ability to pull, and leave you feeling like shit in the morning.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
So one of my housemates is leaving the house and we've been interviewing prospective replacements all week. We've had the lot really, arrogants, introverts, smellies, nerds, birds, turds.
Its impossible when you talk to a high number of people in a short space of time to not start stereotyping and categorising them. It makes me feel bad for about a picosecond before I realise that I actually couldn't give a toss. I'm nice like that you see.
So, we've settled on a provisional new housemate. He wasn't the one who could promise to always clear up around him, to always be clean and unannoying and friendly, chatty when required with ability to fuck off on demand. No, he also wasn't the one who would always buy the teabags, cleaning products and toilet rolls week in week out. No, not that one either.
So what was it that finally swayed our decision to put this guy in front of all the others?
He brought some beers to the interview.
We're so fickle.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Ah, there's nothing nicer than having your own amateur stalker. This chap has got his hands on some telephoto pictures of the girl he's stalking in a bikini, and scanned them in at the highest rez he could manage so he could try and see the spiders legs. He then goes on to write a scary ode to the poor girl.
Sheesh, have you guys got nothing better to do?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Not one of ours, so we can't post it on the site without some BBC boys getting a strop on, but this "The Office" wallpaper of David Brent trying to look cool is... well... cool!
More wallpapers and other sizes here.
Thanks Dom.
|
| (comment on this? [2]) |
|
|
Taz, you sick puppy! Here are some more tasteful pictures. If you are an incompetent decorator, or just need to modernise you living space, buy a picture off him.
p.s. this is a public service announcement, so if you want the more 'fun' stuff, read another post instead.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Jimmy Nines is a touch of class. Apparently he's going to make money on the internet or he'll (using his words here) "Eat my own shit and die". Quite what he's going to do when he gets some money isn't discussed. He'll probably buy his own flat to shoot up. Quote:"I am surrounded by animals in my apartment. I go hunting in my room every night. I shoot the cockroaches with a .22 rifle. After one cockroach gets shot, the other cockroaches are afraid to climb up onto my bed. I do not use hollows (exploding bullets), so the floor has not been totally destroyed yet." Whilst you're there, take a peek at his tips on making money off perverts. Great stuff!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
I don't really know what to tell you about this one... basically Vomitus Maximus Museum is a gallery of pictures, painted by somebody who seems to have some serious issues. I dare not think what the paypal donations go towards.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Apparently India is raising a mass of wannabe Erotica Fiction Novelists, but the examining boards don't seem to be amused.
This sets me thinking on a very strange tangent. In the US, lots of crap books get made into equally crap films. Does Bollywood work in the same way? And since Bollywood films are all singing and dancing, how does Bollywood porn work?
We asked our correspondent in Calcutta, who informed us that pornographic films in India are in fact illegal! This is an outrage!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Surely a hot contender for this year's Darwin Awards is this Belgian man who booby-trapped his entire house against would-be burglars, and then accidentally triggered one of them which fired a rifle and killed him.
Doh.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Want to act like James Bond and creep around some dark corridors at night? You might need some advice if you don't want to get caught.
Note: Funjunkie do not condone trespassing... (Even if it is hilarious fun)
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Staying with The Spark, they also have a personality questionnaire which I was more than happy to fill in, happy in the knowledge I'd come out as a Space Trooper/World Hero/Big Daddy Pimp style of person.
What did I come out as? Accountant.
Accountant? Fucking accountant? Bastard Feck Balls."Like just 7% of the population you are an ACCOUNTANT. While being called an accountant isn't really that cool, neither are you." bugger.
Today isn't going very well for me is it? 86% female and an accountant. I'm off to top myself.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Sheds! Kung-fu! Beer!
I'm 80% sure that I'm a bloke.
The other 20%?
Maybe that's why I wake up with a sore arse sometimes...
UPDATE by Wild: You leave your arse out of this.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Oh dear. The Gender test is 86% confident that I'm a woman.
At least I can finally start wearing dresses in public.
Did I say that out loud?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Just in case you're not sure how to tell, I found a staggeringly useful test which, after asking a few questions, will tell you whether you're male or female!
"without asking about your clothes, grooming, or chest, our Gender Test *will* predict, with 100% accuracy, whether you're a guy or a girl"
Please note the "100% accuracy"... I tried out the 100% accurate test, and its 80% sure that I'm a woman. This has come as news to me.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Reg's entry for shite game of the week is Rubbish yellow fat bloke.
But, as if my prayers have been answered, I have discovered the best game of the week. Hands down, no arguing. MULTIPLAYER Tron lightcycles. It's the same as the one posted last week, but you can finally discover who is the best in the office at last! Yes!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Taz's entry for shite game of the week is Mackem Invaders.
Needless to say, Sunderland's problems are keeping the Toon Army in high spirits today.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The world to end in 6 years time, (alien) buildings found on the moon, brand new 800 mile wide planet found in solar system - just what the fuck is going on with space at the moment? Can't it just chill the fuck out?
Why I oughta.....pesky kids.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
a-one
a-two
a-one-two-three-four...
Cheer up Peter Reid Oh what can it mean To a sad (ex)Mackem bastard And a shit football team!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Have a girlfriend but can't be bothered to do all the running around keeping them happy with girly stuff whilst you drink beer with your mates?
For $47 every 2 months, scorebrowniepoints.com will buy something that she'll like and send it to you to give to her, job's a good'un. Quote:"Making you look the big romantic hero while we handle all the girly stuff." Cheers IamCal
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Picture this for a moment. You're in a marketing meeting with 9 overpaid managers who are passing a tab around the room. The tab smells a bit funny.
"Here's one for you... wait, wait! No this is great, right! We get Des Lynam, right... and get this... we paint his moustache purple!"
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Non-smokers!!! Tired of your work colleagues taking the piss by going outside every hour for a 5 minute cig break whilst you have to continue working?
Here's the solution, Cyber Cigarette Break takes care of all the huffing and puffing, the rainy weather outside and the associated health risks and just lets you get on with the luxury of the waste of time that you so deserve....
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Americans... Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Sometimes, a search on google on the most boring criteria can give extraordinary results. Curiosity generally gets the better of me, and before long, I'll find myself looking at a site entitled FuckCorporateGroceries.net
You tell me...
Pondering this I got thinking about Northeast rockers The Wildhearts, and their song British All-American Home Boy Crowd.
Tenuous links? You're damn right!
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Place your bets now! In a fight between Funjunkie and a pile of crap - who wins? Betting ends!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Annoyingly I can't link directly to the stuff I want to show you here due to some techie frameset malarkey, but stay with me, and explore the games and movies sections. I particularly recommend 'James meets Van Damme'. Any game which involves catching sandwiches is OK by me as well.
Go forth and explore!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Who needs expensive class A drugs when you can get a hole in the head for nowt?
"It is said by those in the know to open a "Third Eye", thereby heightening consciousness and creativity while alleviating stress and depression."
Pass me the Bosche.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
For the lost soul who came to this wee land we call Isla Funjunkina looking for 'Finger Dog's Arse Images' - I'm only too happy to oblige...
And as for the rest of you wierd searchers this weekend:
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The boss's daughter. Clever as pie.
Me: "Shut up, coming in here with your apricot t-shirt" - referring to the colour.
The boss's daughter: "Actually it's Kangol"
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
I've just been sent a photo from some mates. Normally I wouldn't trouble you good people with it as you don't know who my mates are, but this one is begging, nay, screaming to be unleashed onto a wider audience.
Its a photo of a mate's workmate, Dave, with his 'pull' from the other night. Beautiful. I don't think I need to tell you that its not safe for work.
Gutted.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
The sun is going to blow up in the next six years, killing us all. Excellent stuff thats bound to make us all run screaming around for some final shag.
It also means I only have 6 years left to get Kylie into bed with me. Should be easily doable.
I propose that we immediately assemble a crack squad of nuns and send them in. They'll sort it.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
SEND IN THE NUNS!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Last night my housemates and I went to the pub. We all got ver ver drunk. One of my housemates, M, was very argumentative last night and we had about a million arguments ranging from advanced colour theory to that scene in Indiana Jones where he shoots the bloke with the sword and whether or not this spells a death knell for ninjas all over the world.
On the way home I got pushed in a bush and I'm still picking out the splinters this morning. That is the power of the argument. I'm even having an argument in the office at the moment about whether or not the tea urn is an urn or a still!
So heres some argument related type linky linky:- As heard on Radio 5 yesterday Things My Girlfriend and I Argue About
- Some tips on arguing How to Argue
- and The Argument Sketch
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Taz! Don't get me started! Hulk Hogan is CLEARLY on his way to help my brother's girlfriend Satin (yes, real name) out with her bad hair day. She needs an industrial strength comb.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
I think even Taz has got it wrong. The original title actually reads: "Nothing matches the struggle of close-broom wombat"
Wombats in close proximity to brooms (especially old fashioned wooden ones) receive an automatic power upgrade so that they become the ultimate power in the universe!!!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Obviously Reg has entirely missed the point about Broom Combat. This genuine* publicity shot of Hulk Hogan getting ready to Wipe the Floor with his next opponent, was originally titled "Nothing matches the struggle of close-broom combat" by the photographer. I rest my case.
*(not genuine)
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Okay, so German and Techno are two words that generally don't tend to exist in the same sentence a lot. Its not something I tend to think about, thats for sure... but a while back I stumbled on the Yulia Nau site, and quite frankly its rather tasty (and so's she for that matter). Might be slow to load on a flaky connection, but be patient, its worth it.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
I reckon that pictures with stupid titles such as 'Nothing matches the struggle of close-broom combat' are generally not as good a plain old stupid pictures. I've got an open mind about this though, so please feel free to change my opinion.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Chapter 9 of Ninjai the Little Ninja is out! Understandably this one is a lot shorter than previous ones as chapter 8 was 11 minutes long, but could it be that Ninjai is actually alive?
Of course he is otherwise there wouldn't be a bloody story, but some of the fans on the forums seriously seem to be worried he might be dead. Hmmm, 'Ninjai the Little Zombie Ninja' would be a fantastic plot twist... Bring on the undead!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Current and former workers in porn shops meet up in online forum to swap stories about customers creepy habits, their bodily fluids and bizarre perversions: "Sometimes he has an erection during checkout, and once he had semen stains on the front of his pants. He freaks the shit out of the male clerks, and I understand why - it's pretty hideous to be an unwitting participant in someone else's sex act." Cheers IamCal
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Get ready for 'danger time'! Here we come again - the fourth non-annual Toten Kopf soapbox challenge! This time it's the 'Death of the Dunster Street Disco' Classic.
Continuing the success of the two previous Soapbox events this year, we thought we would definitely mark the end of summer (admittedly a little late), and the end of the 2002 soapbox season with one final blow out!
If we can get even half the amount of video footage we got last time, we'll be rich through 'you've bee framed' franchises around the world. Bring on the Off-Roaders!
p.s. Barney - wear more than just your shorts this time. Not just due to personal safety, but to decency too, goddamn!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Oh Miss Christina, why do people find it so erotic when you crush bugs under foot?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Actually the title is misleading... so much so that I shall be expecting a letter of complaint from the Advertising Standards Authority... and I daresay that Anne Robinson may end up winking at you by the end of the day.
Which leads me nicely into my Swedish No-Conker-Championships tribute wallpaper.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
A lobster. A magnet. Lobster Sticks to Magnet.
Prepare yourself for the upcoming sequel, Squirrel in a Canteen
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Please search your soul... help this desperate woman ditch her hubby. Obviously this isn't another piss poor attempt at raising millions off stupid people... no no, she's really genuine! This time your hard earned spondoolie vouchers will be going to the worthy cause of aiding a poor defenceless trainee nurse to divorce her gadgie.
And what do you get in return for this charitable gesture?
"When I am done with school, this picture will show me with my nursing certificate!"
Well yippie fucking skippie!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
For those times when you've drunken too much wine during the film and pass out before the end, or when you're in the cinema and you girlfriend has a hissy fit for whatever reason and makes you leave before the end, or for when your tv goes on the blink before the end, or for when Jamie Oliver mistakenly crashes into your room through the window, accidentally knocking the VCR into the fishbowl and frying the tape and your fish because he thought you may have been cooking with fresh basil and were about to chop rather than tear the leaves which is an awful crime in gastroporn land (but your fish would now make excellent hors d'hoevres, it'd be an awful shame to waste the now quite crisp flesh)....
Ahem.
Or for those times that you want to just spoil the ending for everyone else.... MoviePooper
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Local Agro and general bad feeling in the office this morning... the milk's off too.
UPDATE What aren't Rushden & Diamonds hungry today? Because they eight already.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Well, whether or not *I* move you is not actually the question (because we all know that I move you in an order or magnitude similar to an earthquake rated at the higher echelons of the Richter scale). What does leave me scratching my head though is how can such a beautiful and serene site as I-Move-U actually be a low-key advertising opportunity for Mitsubishi Motors?
How they got this past the suits in accounting is beyond me, but kudos to them for succeeding!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
...Giant Robot Vagina Laser Cannons.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Paige has done it again! She's been ripping off Cuteness Lover graphics, and palming them off as her own. Can you believe it? The proof is contained within these pages...
Look, the title of the page is even called 'evidence'. Take 'em to court!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Clicking on the link below for 'World Record for the Highest Number of Clothes Pegs Pegged to Face' brings up a number of related links.
So, explain how is number of pegs on face related to fastest 100m on a unicycle? Eh?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Whilst I'm at it, that Guinness World Records site is crammed full of hilarious stupidiousness. Some of my personal favourites include: and the very very odd:
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Last Saturday, probably in a move to stop himself feeling the miserable wave of grief that would wash over him following the demise of pop supergroup Hear'Say - English nutter Garry "Stretch" Turner broke the World Record for the Highest Number of Clothes Pegs Pegged to Face!
Next up on his list of dumb records to break should be most creme brulées eaten in 1 minute, the current unofficial record of 40 in 60 seconds currently held by yours truly. Its all in the wrist.
Cheers The Presurfer
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
Phwoar! Finally the photos you've been dying to see, Edwina Curry's naked muff, out in the open, just as John Major remembers it...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
for a laff, I translated Taz's 11 things to do into swedish and then back again. Its the Swedish Chefly thing to do.
Its even funnier if you read it out aloud in a Geordie-Swedish accent.
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
What's wrong with a top eleven???
Oh hang on, I forgot the main thing that I did in Sweden... the main reason why I went in the first place. I forgot to mention Talent Spotting. Sweden is litterally packed with beautiful women, like Sophie Zelmani (None of whom were remotely interested in an pissed up gadgie like me however). So there you have it, the top 12 things to do in Göteborg.
Oh, and Saunas... I like saunas. Fuckit, That's thirteen!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Taz is obviously confused. Confused, or still dizzy from the Swedish Vodka. Top elevens. Who does top ELEVENS.
To help him out, I've enlisted the Swedish chef to help translate what he actually means to say back into English again.
And while I'm on a Muppets theme, why don't you watch a short story about Gonzo splitting himself up into 6 billion pieces. The humour screams 'techie', but it does just work - in a bizarre way.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
FJ's favourite star, David Hasslehoff, claims he's hit rock bottom in terms of his drinking. This is terribly sad news for such a talented man as himself, and we here at Funjunkie would like to pass on our regards for a speedy recovery and full reinstatement as entertainment man of genius that he really is.
Towards this goal, let us try and lift his spirits a little with a look back at our stories about the great man.
Firstly, we've got some great wallpaper which you definitely should be having on your desktops (apart from the naked puppies one which makes me want to hurl).
Secondly, here's a search through all of the articles we've done that contain Hasslehoff. Even more results than our other favourite, Domokun!
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Taz is knackered. I've been away for a few days in Göteborg (Sweden), and now I've got to get over the accumulative hangover that has been building up since last thursday.
So here's a list of the top ten things to do in Göteborg according to 5 English eejits...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Priceless...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Isn't it annoying when weblogs patronise you by doing this?
I mean, you must be stupid or something, right?
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Stop the Press!
The former members of pop group Hear'Say have held a press conference from the Chez Fred's Fish and Chip shop in Westbourne, England today to announce that following the dissolution of the group, they've decided to go into the much more lucrative world of selling fish and chips to the British Public. Click to enlarge
(Quite frankly this must be my worst bit of potatochoppery to date, but fuck it, you get the idea).
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
More good news! Hear'say have broken up. ABOUT TIME. Since they are all going to be out of jobs from tommorow, we have had a whip round in the office, and we'll offer Mylene £7.42 to come round and do a photo shoot here. I might nip down to the bank and chuck another tenner in if she does some 'Continental'.
Maybe we could do a tour, I'm sure the Bournemouth FJ contingent can match our stake...
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
After all my encouraging you go to Threadless and vote for my designs, I've decided to change my tune (as some of you regular readers may have heard). Don't go to Threadless anymore, go and buy some stuff from Slow Loris instead. She's got twice as much talent as all the 'designers' on Threadless put together, and deserves to have a slice of our cash/web traffic.
Design rant ends here.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
worms fighting with their cocks for honour, pride and not to become the "bitch".....
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Not content with tackling with the difficult issue of politics yesterday, I have now turned my attention to the delicate issue of education.
When I was a lad (cue 'Hovis' style music), the task of choosing a University was a difficult decision. You had to carefully weigh up the pros of how good the student union was versus the cons of how much work you had to do.
The Americans have seemed to have simplified the process for their students down to a game of pinball.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
You're at work in your £100,000 a year cushy job in the city. You feel the rumblings of your innards complaining under the weight of that bacon buttie you had this morning. Quite simply you need to go for a poo.
But have you ever stopped to think how much that poo is costing your company in lost time?
Well, a 5 minute poo at that salary costs £5.26. How do I know that? The Poo Calculator!
Just as a comparison, the same poo for me costs just £0.99 - I'm upset at how cheap my poo is. Perhaps I should eat less fibre. I'm doing myself a disservice.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
I always knew we were weiners, oops, I mean winners.
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Well, we didn't win the top award nor a scant mention in the Guardian's Best British Blog awards, but, I have a special treat to make up for it!
We've won the Most Posts award in the Bloggys. Thank you all for voting, I'm sure we'll continue to serve up your particular favourite flavour of lukewarm linkage for a long time to come.
<Winner's Emotional Speech>
Thank you all, thank you from the very bottom of my heart (sob). I take this as a triumph of Quantity over Quality. Quality's always been overrated in my opinion, and it takes sheer bloody-minded guts and determination to publish the superlative kind of drivel that we do. Thanks to my co-writers, Taz, El Reggio, and the occasional A N Other. We couldn't have done it without each other. This confirms our utmost banality in the starkest of media. Beautiful.
</Winner's Emotional Speech>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
Go on, do it...
Full Story >>
|
| (comment on this?) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
DeathGob
