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Suprisingly, we do actually get quite a bit of fan mail here at FJ Towers, and it’s not all from the waterboard back on Earth because Taz left the tap on when we moved to Mars. It’s a shame that it takes us so long to read it all. Not because we can’t read, we can (just about), but because we’re a bit scared it might be another final demand notice from the waterboard back on Earth, cleverly disguised as a normal letter.
Anyway, to cut a short story even shorter, and to get to the point, the Pimp My Bike team, as mentioned before, and featuring such luminaries as Badger Mushroom and FJ Founder Bowner, have got a brand spanking new website for you to peruse. Well, it was brand spanking new a couple of months ago when we first got the letter through. It’s been hanging around on the mantelpiece for ages because no one dared to open it, just in case it was a final demand from the waterboard back on earth.
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It’s always nice to have a game with easy instructions. Spin Blaster simply states Defend your core from the enemy waves. The confusion arises when you realise that “your core” has nothing to do with apples! In fact, there’s no fruit in this game whatsoever! No apples, no bananas, no pineapples and definitely 100% no cherries, of any type at all. If you’re looking for a fruit-based defence game, this isn’t for you.
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Ever fancied playing crazy golf using famous landmarks of the world as obstacles? Me too! The wombats in the Crazy Science Room here in the dungeons of FJ Towers developed a special ginormo-ray which makes you massive. However, we’ve run out of 50p pieces for the electricity bill, and it’s rather 50p piece intensive every time the ray’s fired. So instead of marauding round the globe as a giant, causing mayhem with your putter, try this game instead. It won’t cost you 50p, and no one will get crushed. I know, disappointing, but free.
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Fancy making some Halloween decorations, but can't be arsed to carve a pumpkin? Here are some fantastic paper models that you can make while still sitting at your desk. It's not all monsters either, there are some other great models, such as a Viking that's a spitting image of Dr.Poppyjuice, and a pirate with an uncanny resemblance to BeccaG.
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If you've always harboured* the desire to live a day in the life of Captain Nemo, yet didn't want to dwell on his remorse over the deaths of his fellow crewmembers, then this is the game for you! You still get to satisfy your thirst for vengeance by bombing the shit out of octopuses, while keeping an eye out for caskets of sunken treasure! Does any of that make sense? Do You care? Anchors away!**
*Do you see what I did there?
**I'm not entirely sure submarines have anchors
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If you go out for a swim today, you better be in for a suprise. Not only may you not be swimming in boring old water, you may not see fishes and seaweed and other sea-type stuff either. No, in this FJ version of swimming, you might just as easily be swimming through the air accompanied by shoals of men sitting on the toilet. Yeah, I bet you weren't expecting that!
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Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how fast you run, you'll never escape from the killer robot that's stalking you?
No?
You've never been to FJ Towers then! It's like that day in, day out. In fact, Hunted Forever could quite accurately be described as a day in the life of an average FJ editor around FJ HQ, but with less wombats. And less tea drinking. And slightly less biscuits. But otherwise, spot on.
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This Saturday, the Bicycle Basket Bazaar returns once again to The Fishmarket in Northampton. It’s a cross between the most cutting edge craft fair and the best flea market you have ever been to, with a little bit of village fete thrown in for good measure, and I’ve been meaning to tell you about since it started four months ago.
Whoops. Better late than never, eh?
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What's that? A Funjunkie Friday Game? On a Friday? What's the special occassion, you ask? Well, it is Friday after all.
What you'll need to compete are quick reflexes, and the ability to count. I know, I know, it's quite a lot to ask from you, especially at this time of the morning, but give it a go anyway, just to see how rubbish your reflexes and counting are.
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Taz has kindly just brought Upside Down Dogs* to my attention. He claims that it's "possibly the finest site on the interwebnet". That's high praise indeed, certainly from a man who has been to parts of the interwebnet old and new that most of us wouldn't dare to navigate.
I'm not sure if I agree with him entirely, but he's far more experienced in these thing than me, so I should take his word for it. See if you agree.
*or UDDs as we like to refer to them here at FJ Towers
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Breaking the Tower is enormously annoying. It reels you in with it's cutesy grahpics (they're 3D you know!), keeps you playing with it's simple but involving gameplay, then breaks your heart when you finish.
I was expecting to go on to level two, but no. There was no level two. My heart took a beating, just like the titular* tower took a beating from my knights and masons.
Now that I've given away the nasty ending, I suggest you fall in love with this game while it lasts. Just get the hankies ready for when you finally triumph.
*Yes, I said titular
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Worms! In the Star Wars Universe! I know I threw a benny about advergames (or whatever the hell the marketing world has decided to call them this morning) yesterday, but here's another one.
They probably spent as much money on the game as they did on the film its trying to promote (did anyone see it, or does anyone care?). Am I feeling bitter about something? Damn right, and the only way to sort it out is by blowing some shit up, damn it!
Thanks, again, Toni
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Arrrrgh! I hate games that are advertising something... what's the marketing term, advertainment? Well whatever, it's even more annoying when the game that's attatched to the advert is actually quite good, and you keep on playing, and they keep on ramming their bloody advert down your throat.
If you're slightly calmer than me about such things, or you're in the market for a student card with a great rate, then try your hand at Helipopter. It's actually pretty good. Despite the bloody adverts being rammed down your throat.
Thanks (and happy birthday) Toni
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Physics lessons were terrifying for me at school. Not because I couldn't grasp the concepts of friction or brownian motion, but because my teacher was a small Welsh man who always wore the same clothes. He invariably wore brown trousers, a white shirt and a brown nylon tie. He must have had a wardrobe of seven of the same of each thing.
Thankfully my lack of physics knowledge doesn't stop my enjoyment of Fantastic Contraption. I find that the blunt tool of trial and error works just as well as a scientific approach.
Thanks Timmah
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Bored of brainless shoot 'em ups?
Then we're bored of you, goodbye.
If however, you're just looking for a change in pace from the usual blasting and bashing, then Hoshi Saga 3 should be right up your street. All you have to do on each level is "find the star", but engage that last working brain cell of yours, otherwise you'll get stuck pretty damn quickly. And don't come crying to us for help. We're too busy eating cheese sandwiches.
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On first play of Protector: Reclaiming The Throne, I was slightly disappointed that it had nothing to do with fending off scallywags from using my toilet. After a few goes however, I realised that you could mercilessly slice giant badgers to a bloody pulp, and things started to look a bit rosier.
Mmmmm, mercilessly slicing Badger Mushroom to a pulp...
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LOTR bloopers?
Enthusiasts of Movie-Mistakes.com have noticed many "bloopers" in Lord of the Rings. They report that in one scene there is a car driving across the horizon; in another, the hobbits are wearing shoes; in another, where one of the black riders is chasing the hobbits onto the ferry, he is clearly wearing a Sony Walkman.
Unreliable Facts from The Brains Trust |
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"The French are not normally a Nordic skiing nation."
- Ron Pickering |
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| Men: Badgering the witness |
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DeathGob
